About half a year ago, I dropped off the internet without much explanation. A lot of you reached out, asking what was going on and if I was okay. (Don’t worry; I was, and I am.) Anyway, I figured a formal explanation was long due, and I decided to make this out-of-nowhere blog post. Allow me to update you on aspects of my life….
Writing
A lot of you were surprised when I told you that I didn’t feel my life’s calling was writing. I’ve always felt it was a “right now, for now” thing. I never saw it as a career or something I wanted to do long-term. It was more of a hobby.
I still hold that opinion.
After getting a job, I found sitting down at night to reach my word count growing more and more difficult. The words that came out were barely worth keeping. Soon, they became nothing. I kind of let my WIP’s fall to the side, thinking “it’s okay, I’ll keep blogging, and when I’m ready to pick up writing again, I’ll get back to my WIP’s.”
I didn’t.
Rather, even my blogging fell behind track. I wasn’t writing quality content. Everything felt forced. I didn’t have the mental energy to spare. The difference between working full time and being able to write full-time was huge, and eventually I made the decision to take a break.
The relief was immense. Instead of staring at my computer screen every night, trying to force myself to write and feeling guilty hours later when nothing got done, I was able to relax after work, clear my head, and enjoy my free time. I put no limit to my break. As long as I didn’t want to write, I wasn’t going to do it. I would return when I couldn’t resist the pull…whenever that came.
To summarize: I am taking an indefinite break from writing.
Work
I moved to Walmart full-time. I’m only working one job now, and it’s way less stressful what I’d been doing before. I’ve been in OPD (online grocery pickup and delivery) for the past six months. It’s been all right. The job mainly consists of picking orders for people and taking the orders out to cars.
Each has its pros and cons. Picking is fun for a couple of hours, but after that it gets tiring for me. However, that’s only because I speed walk around the entire store and lift multiple totes (baskets of groceries) at once in order to better my pick rate. (They have a leaderboard for the store. The scanner device tracks how many groceries you pick per hour, and the top five people are shown on the leaderboard. I’ve ranked high the past few months…I feel pressured to keep first place and/or beat personal records.)
Dispensing can either be good or bad. I enjoy the work better, but the sun makes me avoid it, since I get heat exhaustion easily. (It’s actually common; numerous coworkers have gone home with heat exhaustion, headaches, and vomiting.) The work is also more physically laborious than picking. It consists of picking up totes, moving them around, organizing orders to take out, then taking the orders out to cars, unloading them, and bringing the empty totes and pallet back inside. I enjoy the work minus the sun. Most of the time, I get paired with one or two coworkers who I enjoy working with (because they actually work). Other times, I get stuck in a room full of people who do the bare minimum or play on their phones during downtime instead of prepping orders for the next hour. (Every hour, there’s a “rush” of delivery drivers.) When no one preps, each hour is ten times more stressful.
Other than that, I’m pulled into produce, stocking, and topstocking. Topstocking is my favorite job to do, since it’s the most easy on the body (although a lot of other people say climbing up and down the ladder is difficult for them). All it is is scanning items from topstock, bringing what I can down onto the shelves, and organizing topstock so it’s easy to find stuff later on. I get hyper-focused, and time flies by. Being my favorite job, it also happens to be the one I’m least able to do. Only when we have enough people on literally every other job (which rarely happens) can I topstock all day.
Walmart as a Workplace
It hasn’t been outstanding, but it also hasn’t been terrible. I’ve met some great coworkers. Work doesn’t drag by as slowly as it could. Overall, I’d say my experience is slightly above neutral. The work itself isn’t bad. It can be boring or tedious at times, but great coworkers and managers make time pass more quickly. It’s definitely a lot more sustainable of a job than fast food. (Hey, at least they’re not stealing your money here.)
However, I definitely feel more like a number. I feel disposable and unimportant—something that took a while to get used to. People don’t care if you’re there. Work is based on hours, not performance. No one’s looking up to me. Most of the time, I feel like a piece of machinery rather than an individual and a necessary part of a team. Disposable. Neither wanted nor discarded. But being just a number does have its perks. For one, I don’t have nearly as much responsibility and stress as I did at Pizza Hut. I just clock in and out, and managers take care of the rest. I get to have peace of mind, which means I can concentrate on my job and work without worrying that everything’s about to fall apart if I don’t keep tabs on it all.
Workplace Appreciation
I do feel like less of a number and more of a part of a team, now that I’ve been here half a year. People are friendly. I’m asked for advice from new associates. Managers actually recognize talent and hard work here, and they make you feel appreciated.
I’m grateful for my managers. It’s such a different workplace environment with the kind of people they are. Unlike at Pizza Hut, they’re responsible (for the most part), treat you like a person with worth, and are reasonable and fair. Justice is promoted. I don’t have to worry that they’re doing shady stuff in order to benefit themselves. There are set systems in place. Should anything arise, I have a peace of mind knowing that things will be handled in a straightforward, clear manner.
Managers and coworkers both seem to like me. I’m complimented on my hard work often, and our new TL (mid-level manager) told me that I’m a great associate, and he’s happy to have worked with me. I get called a number of names. From managers: “Little Missy” and “Sassy McSasserson.” From coworkers: “Hercules,” “Tokyo Drift,” and “Xena.” There’s others, but I can’t remember them all. (Keep in mind that most of these are used entirely jokingly.)
I was the “Happy to Help” associate for August! (Apparently the managers vote every month based on our attendance and attitude.) When our PL (HR person basically) walked me to the office in the backroom, I began wondering what I’d done wrong. You can imagine my surprise and relief when he handed me a box to open, only to reveal a trophy depicting my name on it. He then proceeded to lead me back out onto the salesfloor to take a picture. I’m still waiting for them to post it on Facebook so I can see what they wrote about me and admire how short I look in the picture, because I’m short, and the PL is really tall. 😆
Work Benefits
Walmart offers a whole bunch of benefits that Pizza Hut didn’t. Besides affordable insurance, they have both paid and unpaid breaks, a good system for calling out sick, paid time off, and free bakery items in the break room. Well, that last one only happens every so often. However, it’s nice to go to the break room and find a small treat. (It’s whenever the container gets broken in the freezer. They can’t sell the item anymore, but it’s also not bad, so we get to eat it.) Oh, and don’t forget guaranteed hours and a set schedule. No more staying up late at night begging managers to get the schedule out for the next day.
Pharmacy
I’m moving to pharmacy this month. I hadn’t planned on transferring this soon, wanting to wait until I’d moved (uh, into an apartment…we’ll get to that soon), but the job was kind of sprung upon me—in the nicest way possible of course.
Lead pharmacy tech comes into the break room, about to leave work. Sees me. The following questions occur rapidly:
“Do you have your high school diploma? Are you 18? Are you out of school? Do you work full time? Do you want to work in pharmacy?”
I answered yes to all, explaining that pharmacy was actually what I’d originally applied for, but they’d hired me for OPD instead. The lead tech gave me his phone number then left, saying he’d send me the instructions to get the job.
I’ve since gotten my pharmacy technician license. I sent my application to the Arkansas State Board of Pharmacy, got fingerprinted (for my criminal background check) at some DIY-looking gym in the middle of a patch of woods, and am getting my pharmacy “smock” soon. Latest I heard, I’m starting next week. Pay is the same as OPD. Disappointed at that aspect but that’s just what it is, and maybe I’ll like the work better.
Car
I wrote about it in my newsletter, but I don’t think I ever addressed it here. I got a car from my manager, Joe, at Pizza Hut. The car is older than me. Although it’s taken me to and from work without major problems, it hasn’t been acting the most reassuringly. It’s stalled out while idling, had trouble starting up, and done tiny weird noises at random times. I’ve done some repairs on it (well, my dad mainly. He helps me a lot with my car, which I’m very thankful for). Also, Joe works on cars as a side hobby, and he’s looked over mine. One part we changed fixed the main problem (stalling). The rest is to be determined. I’ve thought about financing a new car just to get away from the insecurity of driving something that could break down at any moment. I don’t drive that far every day though, and if something happens, I live close enough to work that I could figure something out.
I started driving maybe two years ago. I still don’t enjoy it, but it’s not nearly as anxiety-inducing as it was back then. To be fair, I do drive a tiny car as opposed to the huge truck I learned in, so that makes drive-throughs and Walmart parking lots a ton easier. Other than that, driving comes more naturally to me. I don’t have to remind myself to look both ways or check before merging. One thing still hasn’t changed though: I can’t talk and drive. Or sing and drive. Or listen to anything and drive. I must be fully concentrated. It probably won’t change, but that’s okay. As long as I’m aware of my weaknesses, I can stay safe.
Moving
I got an apartment. Well, I don’t have it yet, but I put down the application fee and deposit, and I’m on the waiting list, currently estimating October or November. (I’m guessing mid November.) I’m really excited about it. While it’s going to be more responsibility and money, I’m looking forward to the freedom. My parents still want me to live with them. They just bought a new house. They’re renovating it, and my mom told me that they’re still going to build the extra room for me that I can have all to myself “when I move back in.” (They haven’t given up hope. Admittedly, it’s very sweet and kind.)
The new house is its own story. I’ve only been there once, but basically they’re ripping out and replacing the flooring, doing stuff with plumbing and electric, and building more rooms and a hallway. Oh, they also moved the entire kitchen from upstairs to downstairs. They’ll also do cosmetic stuff like repainting. It’s a whole big process, and I can’t believe they’re doing it, since it seems scary to tear your new-old house apart to make it look new.
Finances
Since getting a job, I’ve been learning how to make, manage, and keep track of my money. I would say I’m pretty good with finances. My credit score is doing well, and I’ve found the best ways to spend money (getting cash back) and earn interest. I’ve researched a lot and gained a much better understanding of the bigger scope of things. I have yet to do my taxes this next year, but with tax tools online like Turbo Tax, it shouldn’t be that difficult.
I’ve learned to budget. Currently, I don’t have very many bills, but I know when I’m in my own place, I’ll be making a little above what my expenses will be, so it’s best to start good habits early. I try to keep my monthly grocery budget under $35 (about 20 meals). The ideal is $20. So far, so good, and I’ve leaned to cook a lot of things, including chicken—which I was admittedly scared of.
With moving out, I’m wanting to keep my upfront expenses low, while also thinking about the future. I’ve started making lists on the Walmart app with everything I’ll need (groceries, pantry items, cookware, cleaning supplies, etc.). Some things I’ve found I’m willing to compromise quality on, but others, I want things to last long, and I think the investment is worth it. The Walmart app allows you to build grocery lists which automatically calculate the total price. That’s been helpful with budgeting. It’s also helpful in finding the products which are the best deal. Overall, I’m actually really enjoying handling my finances. It gives me a sense of responsibility and accomplishment—especially when I’m able to find the most efficient or cost-effective ways of doing things.
Conclusion
So how am I doing? I’m doing good. I have ups and downs, but so far, everything’s been pretty smooth. I’ve come a long way in the past year, and so much has changed. I’m excited about getting my own place…like, really excited. I’m loving the cooler weather. I thank God especially when the skies are cloudy, and it’s drizzling. Life is good, God is good, I enjoy the people He’s put in my life, and He’s constantly teaching me more. We’ll see how things go. For now…
*vanishes again from the face of the internet*