I Moved Into an Apartment

I got my first job at the beginning of this year. 11 months later, I moved out into my own apartment…and let’s say things didn’t go smoothly.

Application

I found a reasonably priced apartment complex near my job (a difficult thing to do, since almost everything here is overpriced), then submitted an application. I was accepted almost immediately and placed onto the waiting list.

Hiccup #1

A few months later, I got the call that an apartment would be available starting November. I was excited. I began preparing for moving out.

Then I got more news: the old tenant had changed their mind. I was no longer getting the place. Even worse, all the apartments for November had already been given out to people further down the waiting list. I’d be placed in early December.

Hiccup #2

Finally, December came around. I paid the first month of rent, signed the lease, and got my keys from the office. Then I drove over to my new apartment, cleaning supplies in hand. As I walked around my apartment and turned on the lights, I stepped in something wet in the kitchen. I looked closer. Water—a huge puddle of it, smack dab in the middle of the kitchen floor. Maybe it was leftover water from the cleaning they did before I moved in, I thought. Upon closer inspection, I realized that wasn’t so. The water was seeping up from underneath the vinyl. If I stepped down on the boards, water seeped out of the edges.

I called maintenance immediately. They determined it was the fridge, shut off the water connection, and called in water extraction.

Water extraction came the next day and placed four huge fans (that were excruciatingly loud) over my kitchen floor. They must have also accidentally turned the fridge water connection back on, because by the time the next day came around, the water was a lot worse, making its way into my carpet. The carpet was squishy. The water wasn’t contained to the kitchen anymore.

I decided to take the apartment anyways and move in. I’d already packed everything up and drove it to the apartment. My parents wanted me to stay at their house until the water was figured out, but I decided to move in. The water would be sorted out anyways.

Maintenance came back and shut off the water connection again. Where the fans hadn’t been doing anything before, now they were able to start drying out the floor. The next day, someone came to fix the fridge, and all that was left to do was let the fans roar.

And roar they did. They were super loud. I could hear them from outside my apartment with the door closed. I let them go for as long as I could, and when I deemed the floor manageable without the fans, I unplugged them and stacked them neatly against the counter. They disappeared one day while I was at work.

Apartment Conditions

First thing I noticed upon moving in was that the apartment stunk of urine. I opened the windows, scrubbed everything down, turned on the fans, and that seemed to get rid of the bulk of it. However, the bathroom still smells. Maybe it’s soaked into the wood.

Everything else was in pretty good shape. Unless you count cosmetics like the vinyl coming up in places, the bathroom baseboards coming off the walls, or one of the stove burners not working. (Just kidding, that last one isn’t a cosmetic.)

Management isn’t good, and it takes forever for stuff to get done. They don’t care about you or the inconveniences of your flooded apartment. But I knew what I was getting with prices hundreds cheaper than everything else in the area.

Pictures

And finally, what you all have been asking (or waiting) for: pictures. The lighting in my apartment is terrible, so excuse that.

January 4, 2024January 15, 2024

Same Interview, the Second Year

If I’m being completely honest, I debated not writing/posting this at all. This year has been a crazy one, and I’ve gone through a lot. Everything is new. So much has changed. So after thinking some more, I finally decided to write this…for you, friends and family…as well as for future me.

How old are you?

What advice would you give yourself a year from now?

Keep God as your number one. Never lose sight of Him.

What advice would you give yourself a year ago?

Stop worrying. Things will change. You don’t need to “push yourself” out of anxiety to get to a certain point.

What's your biggest regret?

For this year or my entire life? I guess in general, I don’t have regrets. Anything not optimal turns into a teaching point. But if I had to choose something, then not loving those around me when I had the chance.

What is the biggest thing you've learned?

The world is so not black and white. There are a million facets, a million angles, a thousand opinions. The only steadfast thing is the Lord. Besides Him, everything else is shades of gray.

I used to think things were so simple. Choices were easy, things would just have an answer. But as I’m growing up, the more I’m seeing just how complicated things can be. There is only one thing I can be certain of. Everything else is chaos.

How would you define your style in three words?

Black, comfy, oversized

What is the most important thing in your life to you right now?

On a material level, finishing my pharmacy tech training and getting nationally licensed. On a more general note though, loving those in my life and finding ways to be a light.

How do you define success, and do you think you've reached it?

I don’t think my answer has changed from last year. There is no point in this life that I can reach and call success. My success isn’t based on anything I do. It’s based on Jesus and Him only. When I die and the Lord brings me into heaven…that’s when I’ll be at success. But none of it is my own.

What is one thing you're struggling with?

One thing? Only one thing? There’s a ton of small stuff. I moved out on my own, have a full time job, and have new people in my life. So much has changed. I wouldn’t say I’m struggling, maybe just being challenged. And that’s not a bad thing. I think my answer to this question is identical to last year’s: relationships. Still figuring that stuff out.

Biggest thing to happen to you this year?

I moved into my own apartment. I’m paying bills now, budgeting, cooking all my own food, etc. A lot has changed this year, but that has to be the biggest.

Do you feel pressure?

Not as much as last year I think. I’ve learned to let go a lot more recently. Look, God’s got everything in His hands. Worrying won’t get me anywhere. Maybe it’s just where I’ve been able to finally get to a place I’ve been trying to reach for years, but I do really think I’ve learned more of contentment and letting myself…well, let go.

What's your philosphy?

God sacrificed everything for me and gave me this life to use for His glory. So that’s what I’m going to do—use my life for Him.

What is a place you want to visit?

My answer remains the same as last year. I’m a homebody. I don’t really like visiting places, and if I do, it’s for the people. Don’t get me wrong; I love mountains and forests However, if I go somewhere, it will be for the people.

How are you doing?

I’m doing well. A lot has happened and changed this year. Some of it has been amazing, while others have rocked my world in not so fun ways that I’m still dealing with. Life isn’t easy or always fun. But God’s always there with me through it all, so I’ve got nothing to worry about. In conclusion: I’m doing well.

What achievement are you proudest of?

For this year? Probably moving into my own apartment. I like the space, privacy, and being able to make the place mine. And the freedom. Only con is bills and missing my family. However, the pros outweigh the cons for me, and I’m enjoying it. (I wrote a blog post about my experience moving in. You can check that out here.)

What is one goal you want to reach by next year?

I’m not sure I really have a goal. Only thing I can think of is passing my pharmacy technician exam and getting nationally licensed. Other than that, I don’t know where I want to be in a year. Wherever the Lord takes me.

Last year, I said I wanted to have a steady source of income when this time came around. Looks like I’ve accomplished that…and it only took a few months to do so. For a few months, I was at Pizza Hut. Then I worked at Walmart, earning a full-time income but not doing a job I saw myself in for much longer. Now, I’m working in pharmacy. It’s stable income, good earning potential, and something I can see myself doing long-term. I think I’ve definitely reached last year’s goal.

Favorite memory from this year?

So much has happened. Nothing really stands out from the rest, but I think I’ll say time with my family. Not one specific time either. 😂

If you want to check out last year’s interview, head over here.

September 23, 2023September 23, 2023

My Disappearance From the Face of the Internet

About half a year ago, I dropped off the internet without much explanation. A lot of you reached out, asking what was going on and if I was okay. (Don’t worry; I was, and I am.) Anyway, I figured a formal explanation was long due, and I decided to make this out-of-nowhere blog post. Allow me to update you on aspects of my life….

Writing

A lot of you were surprised when I told you that I didn’t feel my life’s calling was writing. I’ve always felt it was a “right now, for now” thing. I never saw it as a career or something I wanted to do long-term. It was more of a hobby.

I still hold that opinion.

After getting a job, I found sitting down at night to reach my word count growing more and more difficult. The words that came out were barely worth keeping. Soon, they became nothing. I kind of let my WIP’s fall to the side, thinking “it’s okay, I’ll keep blogging, and when I’m ready to pick up writing again, I’ll get back to my WIP’s.”

I didn’t.

Rather, even my blogging fell behind track. I wasn’t writing quality content. Everything felt forced. I didn’t have the mental energy to spare. The difference between working full time and being able to write full-time was huge, and eventually I made the decision to take a break.

The relief was immense. Instead of staring at my computer screen every night, trying to force myself to write and feeling guilty hours later when nothing got done, I was able to relax after work, clear my head, and enjoy my free time. I put no limit to my break. As long as I didn’t want to write, I wasn’t going to do it. I would return when I couldn’t resist the pull…whenever that came.

To summarize: I am taking an indefinite break from writing.

Work

I moved to Walmart full-time. I’m only working one job now, and it’s way less stressful what I’d been doing before. I’ve been in OPD (online grocery pickup and delivery) for the past six months. It’s been all right. The job mainly consists of picking orders for people and taking the orders out to cars.

Each has its pros and cons. Picking is fun for a couple of hours, but after that it gets tiring for me. However, that’s only because I speed walk around the entire store and lift multiple totes (baskets of groceries) at once in order to better my pick rate. (They have a leaderboard for the store. The scanner device tracks how many groceries you pick per hour, and the top five people are shown on the leaderboard. I’ve ranked high the past few months…I feel pressured to keep first place and/or beat personal records.)

Dispensing can either be good or bad. I enjoy the work better, but the sun makes me avoid it, since I get heat exhaustion easily. (It’s actually common; numerous coworkers have gone home with heat exhaustion, headaches, and vomiting.) The work is also more physically laborious than picking. It consists of picking up totes, moving them around, organizing orders to take out, then taking the orders out to cars, unloading them, and bringing the empty totes and pallet back inside. I enjoy the work minus the sun. Most of the time, I get paired with one or two coworkers who I enjoy working with (because they actually work). Other times, I get stuck in a room full of people who do the bare minimum or play on their phones during downtime instead of prepping orders for the next hour. (Every hour, there’s a “rush” of delivery drivers.) When no one preps, each hour is ten times more stressful.

Other than that, I’m pulled into produce, stocking, and topstocking. Topstocking is my favorite job to do, since it’s the most easy on the body (although a lot of other people say climbing up and down the ladder is difficult for them). All it is is scanning items from topstock, bringing what I can down onto the shelves, and organizing topstock so it’s easy to find stuff later on. I get hyper-focused, and time flies by. Being my favorite job, it also happens to be the one I’m least able to do. Only when we have enough people on literally every other job (which rarely happens) can I topstock all day.

Walmart as a Workplace

It hasn’t been outstanding, but it also hasn’t been terrible. I’ve met some great coworkers. Work doesn’t drag by as slowly as it could. Overall, I’d say my experience is slightly above neutral. The work itself isn’t bad. It can be boring or tedious at times, but great coworkers and managers make time pass more quickly. It’s definitely a lot more sustainable of a job than fast food. (Hey, at least they’re not stealing your money here.)

However, I definitely feel more like a number. I feel disposable and unimportant—something that took a while to get used to. People don’t care if you’re there. Work is based on hours, not performance. No one’s looking up to me. Most of the time, I feel like a piece of machinery rather than an individual and a necessary part of a team. Disposable. Neither wanted nor discarded. But being just a number does have its perks. For one, I don’t have nearly as much responsibility and stress as I did at Pizza Hut. I just clock in and out, and managers take care of the rest. I get to have peace of mind, which means I can concentrate on my job and work without worrying that everything’s about to fall apart if I don’t keep tabs on it all.

Workplace Appreciation

I do feel like less of a number and more of a part of a team, now that I’ve been here half a year. People are friendly. I’m asked for advice from new associates. Managers actually recognize talent and hard work here, and they make you feel appreciated.

I’m grateful for my managers. It’s such a different workplace environment with the kind of people they are. Unlike at Pizza Hut, they’re responsible (for the most part), treat you like a person with worth, and are reasonable and fair. Justice is promoted. I don’t have to worry that they’re doing shady stuff in order to benefit themselves. There are set systems in place. Should anything arise, I have a peace of mind knowing that things will be handled in a straightforward, clear manner.

Managers and coworkers both seem to like me. I’m complimented on my hard work often, and our new TL (mid-level manager) told me that I’m a great associate, and he’s happy to have worked with me. I get called a number of names. From managers: “Little Missy” and “Sassy McSasserson.” From coworkers: “Hercules,” “Tokyo Drift,” and “Xena.” There’s others, but I can’t remember them all. (Keep in mind that most of these are used entirely jokingly.)

I was the “Happy to Help” associate for August! (Apparently the managers vote every month based on our attendance and attitude.) When our PL (HR person basically) walked me to the office in the backroom, I began wondering what I’d done wrong. You can imagine my surprise and relief when he handed me a box to open, only to reveal a trophy depicting my name on it. He then proceeded to lead me back out onto the salesfloor to take a picture. I’m still waiting for them to post it on Facebook so I can see what they wrote about me and admire how short I look in the picture, because I’m short, and the PL is really tall. 😆

Work Benefits

Walmart offers a whole bunch of benefits that Pizza Hut didn’t. Besides affordable insurance, they have both paid and unpaid breaks, a good system for calling out sick, paid time off, and free bakery items in the break room. Well, that last one only happens every so often. However, it’s nice to go to the break room and find a small treat. (It’s whenever the container gets broken in the freezer. They can’t sell the item anymore, but it’s also not bad, so we get to eat it.) Oh, and don’t forget guaranteed hours and a set schedule. No more staying up late at night begging managers to get the schedule out for the next day.

Pharmacy

I’m moving to pharmacy this month. I hadn’t planned on transferring this soon, wanting to wait until I’d moved (uh, into an apartment…we’ll get to that soon), but the job was kind of sprung upon me—in the nicest way possible of course.

Lead pharmacy tech comes into the break room, about to leave work. Sees me. The following questions occur rapidly:

“Do you have your high school diploma? Are you 18? Are you out of school? Do you work full time? Do you want to work in pharmacy?”

I answered yes to all, explaining that pharmacy was actually what I’d originally applied for, but they’d hired me for OPD instead. The lead tech gave me his phone number then left, saying he’d send me the instructions to get the job.

I’ve since gotten my pharmacy technician license. I sent my application to the Arkansas State Board of Pharmacy, got fingerprinted (for my criminal background check) at some DIY-looking gym in the middle of a patch of woods, and am getting my pharmacy “smock” soon. Latest I heard, I’m starting next week. Pay is the same as OPD. Disappointed at that aspect but that’s just what it is, and maybe I’ll like the work better.

Car

I wrote about it in my newsletter, but I don’t think I ever addressed it here. I got a car from my manager, Joe, at Pizza Hut. The car is older than me. Although it’s taken me to and from work without major problems, it hasn’t been acting the most reassuringly. It’s stalled out while idling, had trouble starting up, and done tiny weird noises at random times. I’ve done some repairs on it (well, my dad mainly. He helps me a lot with my car, which I’m very thankful for). Also, Joe works on cars as a side hobby, and he’s looked over mine. One part we changed fixed the main problem (stalling). The rest is to be determined. I’ve thought about financing a new car just to get away from the insecurity of driving something that could break down at any moment. I don’t drive that far every day though, and if something happens, I live close enough to work that I could figure something out.

I started driving maybe two years ago. I still don’t enjoy it, but it’s not nearly as anxiety-inducing as it was back then. To be fair, I do drive a tiny car as opposed to the huge truck I learned in, so that makes drive-throughs and Walmart parking lots a ton easier. Other than that, driving comes more naturally to me. I don’t have to remind myself to look both ways or check before merging. One thing still hasn’t changed though: I can’t talk and drive. Or sing and drive. Or listen to anything and drive. I must be fully concentrated. It probably won’t change, but that’s okay. As long as I’m aware of my weaknesses, I can stay safe.

Moving

I got an apartment. Well, I don’t have it yet, but I put down the application fee and deposit, and I’m on the waiting list, currently estimating October or November. (I’m guessing mid November.) I’m really excited about it. While it’s going to be more responsibility and money, I’m looking forward to the freedom. My parents still want me to live with them. They just bought a new house. They’re renovating it, and my mom told me that they’re still going to build the extra room for me that I can have all to myself “when I move back in.” (They haven’t given up hope. Admittedly, it’s very sweet and kind.)

The new house is its own story. I’ve only been there once, but basically they’re ripping out and replacing the flooring, doing stuff with plumbing and electric, and building more rooms and a hallway. Oh, they also moved the entire kitchen from upstairs to downstairs. They’ll also do cosmetic stuff like repainting. It’s a whole big process, and I can’t believe they’re doing it, since it seems scary to tear your new-old house apart to make it look new.

Finances

Since getting a job, I’ve been learning how to make, manage, and keep track of my money. I would say I’m pretty good with finances. My credit score is doing well, and I’ve found the best ways to spend money (getting cash back) and earn interest. I’ve researched a lot and gained a much better understanding of the bigger scope of things. I have yet to do my taxes this next year, but with tax tools online like Turbo Tax, it shouldn’t be that difficult.

I’ve learned to budget. Currently, I don’t have very many bills, but I know when I’m in my own place, I’ll be making a little above what my expenses will be, so it’s best to start good habits early. I try to keep my monthly grocery budget under $35 (about 20 meals). The ideal is $20. So far, so good, and I’ve leaned to cook a lot of things, including chicken—which I was admittedly scared of.

With moving out, I’m wanting to keep my upfront expenses low, while also thinking about the future. I’ve started making lists on the Walmart app with everything I’ll need (groceries, pantry items, cookware, cleaning supplies, etc.). Some things I’ve found I’m willing to compromise quality on, but others, I want things to last long, and I think the investment is worth it. The Walmart app allows you to build grocery lists which automatically calculate the total price. That’s been helpful with budgeting. It’s also helpful in finding the products which are the best deal. Overall, I’m actually really enjoying handling my finances. It gives me a sense of responsibility and accomplishment—especially when I’m able to find the most efficient or cost-effective ways of doing things.

Conclusion

So how am I doing? I’m doing good. I have ups and downs, but so far, everything’s been pretty smooth. I’ve come a long way in the past year, and so much has changed. I’m excited about getting my own place…like, really excited. I’m loving the cooler weather. I thank God especially when the skies are cloudy, and it’s drizzling. Life is good, God is good, I enjoy the people He’s put in my life, and He’s constantly teaching me more. We’ll see how things go. For now…

*vanishes again from the face of the internet*

March 29, 2023March 29, 2023

I Worked At a Drive-Through

Wendy’s: fast food, dine-in, drive-through. Unlike “my” Pizza Hut, it has a very diverse menu with all kinds of drinks and sides. There are breakfast and lunch times, where different things are served, and the type of food, along with the drive-through aspect makes it a completely different beast to handle. The flow is very different compared to Pizza Hut. Scheduling is different, there’s a lot more prep and restocking, and the way shifts are organized took me a while to understand.

I got a job at Wendy’s. Being my second job, I didn’t know quite what to expect. Fast food, right? Cooking, customer service, and prep. Couldn’t be much different than Pizza Hut…right? (Cue me walking into an entirely different situation unaware of what I was about to face.)

Leaving Pizza Hut…Sort Of

But wait. Let’s back up. I have a job at Pizza Hut, right? Things were going well. I’d been working full-time hours there, so why—and how—was I getting a job at Wendy’s?

Like I mentioned in the last work blog post, the tip system at Pizza Hut changed. Where I’d been earning a fairly stable amount of tips per hour before, I was now getting almost nothing. Without the tips, my wage was lower than other jobs in the area. $11 an hour isn’t the most comfortable amount of money to live on, and as I intend to be able to live independently within a year, minimum wage isn’t something I want to spend all my hours working for when every other option pays better. In addition, I wasn’t seeing Pizza Hut as a possible career option. Things just weren’t heading that way. Instability abounded, management didn’t communicate, and it wasn’t something I wanted to get into over my head.

Two months passed, Pizza Hut was feeling like my home. People were beginning to look up to me. I was even put in charge of training people. However, negatives were beginning to outweigh the positives. Everything seemed to be headed in a downward direction, and payment wasn’t enough to keep me there. Thus, I decided it was time to move on.

I changed my availability. Wendy’s was early mornings; I could still work nights at Pizza Hut. Yes, I could’ve completely left. However, I decided to keep Pizza Hut as a part-time job, because one, I wasn’t sure how I felt about Wendy’s, and two, I still enjoyed working night rushes—especially with certain coworkers. Pizza Hut was my first ever job. Even though I knew I’d have to leave at some point, I wanted to hold off saying goodbye for as long as possible.

Enter 60-hour work weeks. 😁It was exhausting. It was stressful. It’s not something I ever want to do again—unless I really love my job—but we’ll get into that later.

How I Got Wendy's

I actually applied for Wendy’s a couple of weeks before deciding to move on from Pizza Hut. There had been a few instances where I’d considered leaving Pizza Hut. Things had been progressively getting worse. Management changed—and not particularly for the best—and the turnover was terrible. My hours got cut “to train the new people.” Things were done in the most inefficient and ineffective ways. Favoritism and partialism trumped justice and gave way to corruption. I’d been getting tired of putting up with it all, so the tip system change was just the last straw. That’s when I finally decided to make the move.

I’d considered leaving multiple times before I actually did. At one point, I applied to several places in my area, just to see what my options were. Among my applications was Wendy’s. I waited a couple of weeks. None of them responded. I kept working at Pizza Hut. My applications faded to the back of my memory, and eventually, I assumed none of the places I’d applied for were interested in me. Thus, you can imagine how surprised I was to get a call from Wendy’s the day after deciding to leave Pizza Hut. The timing was perfect. The job sounded promising. It was a perfect coincidence. Everything lined up perfectly, so I decided to go ahead with the interview—which led to me taking the job.

First Impression

The first thing I noticed upon starting the job was how professional Wendy’s seemed. There was mutual respect, a clear hierarchy, and good communication both within management and between coworkers. Things like tardiness and laziness weren’t tolerated. It was a refreshing change, and I was relieved to find that all places aren’t as corrupted as Pizza Hut. (Because being my first job, I didn’t know what to expect from any other place. I’d only been working for three months; my experience and knowledge were severely limited.)

Training

I was put on shoulder-to-shoulder work my first day. I pretty much just followed people around, watched what they did, and cleaned in my spare time. That was day one. For day two, I was put on training videos. I watched hours and hours of videos that taught me about the background of Wendy’s and how to be a clean, nice human. Day three is when I was given actual work.

Drive-Through

I immediately realized how bad I am at multi-tasking. As soon as I was put on drive-through/”speaker,” things went downhill. I got overwhelmed and panicked. I tried a few times, but no matter how much I attempted to remain calm and collected, things went awry. I messed up orders. I made the wrong drinks. I forgot to give customers their receipts. In all fairness, I knew I wasn’t the best at muti-tasking, but I’d assumed things would just come together somehow. (No, they didn’t. Things went wrong, and my newly-found optimism quickly changed to full-fledged pessimism.)

Customers

After that one morning on speaker, I was put on other stations. The first was front counter. I was in charge of coordinating (putting orders together) and taking orders or cashing people out. One of the managers helped me the entire time, so it wasn’t too bad. Over time, I know I would’ve gotten good/quick at it.

The second station I was put on (another day) was back cash. It’s the first window, and all I had to do was pull up orders, take payments, and hand people their receipts. It’s actually the easiest job in the entire store. Most people want it, but the station is only opened up when there are enough people working. Anyway, I really enjoyed that station. Customers commented to my manager on how I “took care of them.” I liked the interaction and simplicity of the job. (Give me one thing to do, and I’ll work hard and do well. Give me two or more, and I’ll get nothing done.😅)

So, customers loved me, and I loved them.

Coworkers and Managers

Coworkers—we got along. Everyone there is pretty friendly. People invited me in, tried to make me feel included, and taught me where everything was and how to do stuff. Unlike Pizza Hut, I feel like I got a warm and informational welcome. From the beginning, I was set up for success by both my managers and coworkers. People took active steps to ensure I felt included, and I really appreciated the change.

Leaving Wendy's

Yes.

I know.

I know I just talked about how wonderful everyone and everything at Wendy’s was, but yes, I did end up quitting. Drive-through is what really got to me. Being a morning shift person, it’s not something I can just avoid. It’s a necessary evil of the job. In the morning, you’re in charge of prep, speaker, and food production. Even if you’re not assigned speaker, you’re going to have to do at least 30 minutes of it while someone takes their mandatory break. People liked me, and I liked them, but speaker just didn’t get along with me. It pretty much broke the deal for me.

But…that’s not the whole of it. Embarrassingly enough, I actually left in order to go to Walmart (highest competitor in my area). I’d applied around the time I decided to move on from Pizza Hut. However, because of how perfectly coincidental Wendy’s had been, plus the lack of response from Walmart, I jumped into Wendy’s right away.

I shouldn’t have. I should’ve waited for Walmart. It was my first preference. There were career opportunities and better pay there. Instead, I was hasty and gave into fear of missing out, taking the first thing that came to me.

So how I left Wendy’s? A few days into the job, as I was questioning whether it was the best fit for me, Walmart called, asking for an interview. I accepted the interview. I got all the information I could, and I told them about myself. Everything seemed to line up perfectly with what I was looking for in a job. I went back home and thought things out. A few days later when I got the formal job offer, I accepted it and put in my two weeks at Wendy’s. I then proceeded to work out those two weeks, along with Pizza Hut nights.

Juggling Two Jobs

60-hour weeks aren’t fun—that’s what I learned from having two jobs. There’s almost zero time for anything. Sleep, eat, work, eat, repeat. What little time you have extra is easily spent in keeping up with friends or family. Sometimes, there isn’t even time for that. Food? No time or energy to think about that. I was exhausted both physically and mentally.

Needless to say, when I finished my last day at Wendy’s, I was relieved. (I was working full-time hours there; part-time at Pizza Hut. Actually, if we’re being technical, I worked full-time at both for one of the weeks.) Without Wendy’s, I finally had enough time and energy to function properly.

Ending Wendy's

I left on a good note. For the short amount of time I’d been there, I met some really nice people, learned the basics of working at a fast food drive-through, and discovered some of my strengths and weaknesses job-wise. A lot of coworkers didn’t want to see me go. Some tried to convince me to stay as I worked my remaining days, and when I left, I was told that if Walmart didn’t work out, I was welcome back. I really appreciate those managers’ kindness. While the job wasn’t the best fit for me, they were patient with me, taught me everything I needed to know, and tried their best to accommodate my preferences. Why they asked me back, I don’t understand (besides the need for labor). However, I am thankful for it. I’m happy we were able to separate on good terms.

Conclusion

I learned a lot from Wendy’s. it was my first job where I feel liked I worked in a professional environment. I was able to learn about what it takes to make things run smoothly, as well as how to keep a positive, helpful atmosphere. It was a good comparison to Pizza Hut. Even though those two alone aren’t enough to tell me everything about different work environments, I feel like I know a lot more about myself and my work preferences. No, I don’t want to be in fast food for the rest of my life. I’m not sure what I want to spend my life doing, but I do know how I operate in different environments and under pressure.

I’m grateful for the experience. I’m grateful for my managers at Wendy’s. While I should have thought things out more thoroughly before taking the job, it’s not something I can say I regret. I learned a lot from it. Without this opportunity, I don’t think I’d be in the same place (job-wise) with the same conclusions as I am now.

March 15, 2023March 15, 2023

Marriage or Singleness?

Marriage or singleness? Children or not? Growing up, it’s been a question I’ve gotten a lot as I step out into the world to create a path of my own. I recently turned 18 and got a job. As such, this question is something that’s been on my mind more seriously than usual, as well as something I’ve been asked by more people than I’d expected.

Worldview

It really starts with my worldview. God is the center of mine. It’s Him I live for, Him who controls everything, and Him I trust above all else. Everything starts with the Lord. My goal in this life is to glorify Him. How that plays out from person to person, though, varies. For me, it’s loving with my life—being there for other people, showing compassion and forgiveness, being a light in the darkness. Of course, this mindset doesn’t dictate any particular lifestyle.

This life is temporary. Compared to the next—eternity—it’s but the blink of an eye. Soon, all of this will be gone. Jobs, money, fame—none of it will matter in the end. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to waste away my life on every whim and fancy that comes my way.

Jesus paid for my life with His. What He did is something I can never repay. It’s something I can’t even try to. However, out of the gratefulness in my heart, I live my life for Him, giving everything I have to follow the path He’s laid out for me—no matter how daunting it looks. The path isn’t clear. It’s blurry and hard and sometimes tedious. Every day comes with new choices of its own. In the moment, things may seem like a jumbled mess that I’m trapped in, but I do my best to live for the Lord. He’s planned everything out already; all I have to do is keep following.

So—marriage or singleness? My answer: I think the Lord will guide me. Things will happen in His timing. He’s got everything planned out, and I think He’ll show me what He wants me to do based on the open doors He gives me.

Preference

Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a preference as to how I spend my earthly life. If you’d asked me a few years ago, I would have easily said marriage. I wanted the traditional American life. A house. A husband with a good job. Kids I could stay at home with and homeschool. However, as I’ve grown up and begun to interact with the world outside of my home, that preference has wavered. I’ve seen all kinds of lifestyles, met so many different people, and lived in one of the most unconventional ways. I’ve seen how God can work through all kinds of circumstances. Every lifestyle has its own difficulties and joys. Each person fits differently into different situations.

And thus, things weren’t so black and white anymore.

Pros and Cons

Being the practical thinker I am, I first like to weigh the pros and cons of my options.

Marriage is difficult. Relationships are challenging. Children are a huge commitment. Out of the two options (marriage and singleness), marriage is the most difficult and probably most stressful option. It requires a ton of growth and sacrifice, and it isn’t a comfortable or easy path of life. However, there are many joys and rewards that do come along with it. It’s a life of extreme highs and lows.

Singleness is “easier” in a sense. There’s a lot more flexibility and freedom in it. If you don’t want to change or grow, there (usually) isn’t someone to push you to do so. There’s more control involved, and you can pretty much do what you want to do, when you want to do it. Your time and energy is yours to decide how you want to spend it.

Singleness

Getting a job has made me realize just how much of a blessing singleness can be. I’ve also seen how the Lord can use it for His glory. I have ultimate flexibility and freedom—at least something pretty close. I can work almost any hours, get almost any job in my area, and choose how I spend my free time however I want. I have the ability to make choices almost unhindered by anything in my personal life, and I’m able to choose who and what I prioritize.

Marriage

However, marriage is still something I hope for. I’d like to have a husband. I’d like to raise my own kids. I’d like to be a stay-at-home mom who homeschools, and I’d love to be a homemaker. And while marriage is on the plate of things I’d like to do with my life (along with having children), I’m fully trusting the Lord to guide me where He can best use me. My preference on how I live out this earthly life is with a family of my own. However, if the Lord has other plans, I’m up for that. Ultimately, I want what he wants, but I’m leaning slightly more toward marriage than anything else.

Living It Out

I’m not going to search out marriage; I’m not going to try to look for a partner. I’m trusting the Lord with His plan, and I think He’ll show me what He wants me to do in His timing. If He wants me to love with my life through work or friends, I’ll gladly do that. If He wants me to do the same through a family of my own, I’ll be more than happy to.

So I guess what I’m saying is that it’s not my decision. Yes, I have choices in my day-to-day life, but I’m not actively pursuing one or the other. I’m living by faith and trusting God with the rest. I’m trusting Him to draw out the path. No, it’s not very clear at times. No, it’s not always easy. But because of the love He’s shown me, I’ll follow Him to the ends of the world.

March 1, 2023March 1, 2023

Life at the Hut

Life—that’s really what it’s become. Working over 40 hours a week, being so involved in the Pizza Hut “politics” (everything going on between different managers as they try to work separately toward opposite goals), and trying to keep the place on its feet, I feel like it’s my life now. There’s always something new happening. I’m always trying to catch up and sort things out. People like to joke that I probably stay the night, since I’m always at the store (and I even had a 23-day work streak at one point).

It’s been two months since I got the job. Since then, so much has changed.

Changing Perspective

I came in as an awkward, reserved girl who was scared to interact with customers. I was quiet, and I tried to stay out of the way. Doing my job was my only goal. Work and leave. Follow the schedule. Be an amiable coworker. Make customers happy, and trust the managers to take care of the rest.

But now? I’m the opposite. I interact easily with customers, enjoy talking with my coworkers, speak my mind and ask more questions than anyone else, and gained an ownership mentality that causes me to feel responsible for making sure everything operates smoothly.

I’m not a manager; I never wanted to be one. However, it seems I can’t stick to just being in the back seat and going along for the ride. Some people are happy working half-heartedly for a job they only kind of like—being out of the loop and just doing what they’re told—but that’s not me. Whatever I do, I give it my all. Every bit of energy and thought I have will go into my job, and I’ll treat the place like I own it. As I told one manager, I like to work hard for what I deserve. I don’t do well in places where I’m expected to work like a robot and not care about anything. I want to see my effort and hard work produce something bigger than myself.

Reputation

I made friends quickly. Coworkers like me because I do my job and am an amiable person. Managers like me because they can depend on me, I do more than what’s asked of me, and I value efficiency and quality. I’ve gotten a lot of comments from coworkers, saying I’m the “only X they like” there (female, coworker, etc.). It’s funny how many times I’ve been told I “work too hard.”

People tease me a bunch at work. One driver likes to knock my hat over my eyes whenever I pass him. Another coworker likes to purposely say “folded” dough instead of “stretched,” because he knows I like to use the correct terms. He also gives me nicknames (“little girl” being among them, but I made it clear nicknames related to my size aren’t appreciated). One girl pokes me in the side when I’m not paying attention. A manager likes to pretend something big happened (i.e. a giant order that would take tons of time and preparing for), only to reveal he was joking. Spoiler alert: I fall for it every time. *shakes head in shame* I think I’m the only person who gets teased this much. I’m not complaining, though. It shows people like me and that they feel comfortable being themselves around me. Besides, I return the favor every chance I get. 😉

As for new coworkers, they quickly learn that they can ask me all of their questions. I’ll show them how to do anything (I love training new cooks), and if I don’t know how to do it myself, I’ll get a manager to teach the both of us. I’m honest—sometimes brutally so—and coworkers know they can trust what I say.

Then there are the customers. I love the kids. I love the regulars. I’ve gotten tons of comments on my work ethic and positive attitude, and I love being able to bring smiles to people’s faces. The repeat customers with kids always make my day. Sometimes the kids wave to me; sometimes they enthusiastically tell me goodbye. Some kids come in after school to eat in the lobby—even though we aren’t a dine-in location, but I give them plates and napkins anyway.

Best/Worst Customer Experiences

Best customer experience: A lady with two kids came in to pick up her pizza. I was too busy running around between phones, make table, and cut table to notice much about them, but when I handed the woman her order, her two kids stopped to tell my that I was “very beautiful.” The comment surprised me. (I don’t think I look good in my uniform. I know my hair was a mess, and I probably had food on my clothes.) All three of those customers were really nice, and it’s an experience I won’t forget. 😊 I love kids.

Worst customer experience: A guy (mid twenties to early thirties) greeted me with a comment about my appearance and smile. At first, I thought it was just a nice observation, but then he proceeded to talk about how he kept “making me smile.” It was said in a creepy way. He was acting like he had control over me, and he had the audacity to keep reminding me of it through his comments.

Anyway, I took his order with a smile, laughed at his jokes (even though it was just because I was uncomfortable), and told him his total. He asked if my number came with his pizza, and I responded in a confused/disapproving voice that no, why would it? I think I hurt his ego. After my rejection, he told me that “girls my age” always ask for his number, and that he’s “old enough to be my dad” anyway. He then kept talking about how he has friends who have kids my age, so it would be weird to date me. I got away as quickly as possible, handing off the situation to a manager so I could go make the order.

The manager and guy chatted for a while. I stayed near the back, trying to avoid being drawn into a conversation again. When the manager finally escaped the conversation he was in (yes, even he got weird vibes), I met him in the back and asked if the guy was gone. Thankfully, another coworker took care of handing the guy his order. By the time I made it back up front, he’d left. I felt so relieved.

Goals

What about my goals for this job? If you recall my first blog post about Pizza Hut, you’ll remember that I didn’t care about the pay. I was here for the experience. I wanted the chance to work on my social anxiety, and I didn’t care if I thought I’d hate the job.

But…

I’m definitely here for the money. Let’s just say that right off the bat. I’m trying to save up to live independently (potentially) in a year’s time. I also have bills to pay. So yes, hourly wages matter…probably more than anything else at this point.

As for the “experience” part, I think I’ve got that down. My social anxiety is pretty much gone. I’m still awkward in certain situations, but at least I’m comfortable dealing with strangers, and I’m getting better at accepting “mistakes” as part of the process (speaking from a perfectionist’s point of view). Building relationships at work doesn’t have to be difficult or serious. Asking questions doesn’t have to be scary. People are people, and most of the time, it’s better to just put yourself out there and trust the Lord with the outcome.

Besides getting over my social anxiety, I know a lot about how the fast food industry works. How to keep a business running, what kind of people work best in certain roles, scheduling and communication—some of these won’t be useful in day-to-day life, but others are just good practical skills to have. It isn’t the kind of experience I was looking for, but it transfers over to similar jobs, and it could be useful in the future.

Unchanging Workplace

On the other hand, a lot…hasn’t changed. Management is still a mess, there’s zero communication, and hours aren’t reliable (although I do have to give credit to one of the main managers for giving me all the hours and overtime he can). Fishy stuff goes on with payment. Managers fight. Those who have good ideas and want to give their all for the place aren’t given the opportunity to do so, and workers with the drive to make the place better are pushed down. Things seem to change on a whim. Stability isn’t something I feel at Pizza Hut. Still, I was willing to put up with most of it; things were changing…right?

Things Are Changing

People were fired. People were hired. I got to train a new cook for the first time, and it was a blast. Procedures changed around the restaurant. Management became more strict with what they tolerated and what they didn’t. Things were starting to look better.

The general manager disappeared. (Yes, it’s a good thing, in my opinion.) I still don’t know too much about what happened, but let’s just say that I never really liked him, and I’m relieved to be working with people I actually enjoy being around instead. And since the manager is gone, I was able to get a bunch of overtime. (If you know me, you know I love my overtime.) Another manager was brought in from another store to help out. He’s a responsible and thorough, and having him manage makes my shifts a lot less stressful.

Positive attitudes increased. People helped out instead of standing around on their phones or eating. Being in an environment where hard work was modeled and nurtured resulted in more getting done, and I could do my job without having to worry (as much) that things would go haywire if I stepped away for one second.

…Or Are They?

Hope was in the air. Things were starting to look up. I started to believe Pizza Hut could be a long-term thing, and I was really enjoying spending time with my fellow coworkers.

But…all good things have to come to an end, don’t they? Hope couldn’t last forever. Mine was shattered to pieces bit by bit. At first, it was small things: the white sauce was frozen. Someone left the oven on overnight. Prep got forgotten. We didn’t have enough people one day, so I had to stay late to get things done.

I tried to make it work. I tried to avoid feeling down about it and did my best to make sure things would stay in order. All the frosting and white sauce was frozen? I made sure to do a freezer pull before rush began. Closing manager with a history of forgetfulness? I reminded him what needed to get done before I Ieft.

Then it got more frequent. Tips were always missing. Sauce and frosting was always frozen. People weren’t scheduled well, and we’d be swamped one day and have wrong pizzas spitting out of the oven because training is a huge mess. Managers would step to the side to have “important talks” mid-rush, leaving me (a non manager) to run everything up front by myself.

I tried to prepare for these things by coming in earlier (before rush instead of mid-rush), but I was told I couldn’t clock in early, because we were trying to “save on labor.” I asked to go in when I knew we didn’t have enough people, but again, “save on labor.” “We’ll be fine,” they said. “X will take care of it.” (Spoiler alert: they weren’t. X completely forgot about it.)

I confronted the higher-ups about it. I’m not a manager; why was I doing so much manager stuff, while the real ones forgot their responsibilities? I was promised change. I was asked for “more time” and a “second chance.” So I gave it to them.

The Last Straw

Then, the tip pool system changed. All of a sudden, I was earning half of what I’d been getting before. People who came in for only a couple of hours could get the same as me, despite the fact that I’d been working 11-hour days. While a part-time worker earned $15/hour, here I was getting $11.50 or so.

I tried to bring it up with management. I tried to show how the new system was unfair. I was shot down and talked over, and even though many people took my side, the ones who agree with me don’t have to power to change things. $11/hour is what it’s going to be. There’s no reasoning with the change. I can’t depend on tips anymore to make up for the rate being lower than all the other options in my area, so I’m finding another job. We’ll get into that in another blog post, though. For now, let’s talk about my experiences and growth within Pizza Hut.

Things I Learned

Pizza Hut taught me a lot. Being my first job, I learned the basics of scheduling, clocking in, and just how to work a job. Social anxiety? Pizza Hut helped me to get over that (although I’m still naturally awkward in a lot of circumstances). There have been a lot of situations I had to work my way through alone, and because of those, I’m more confident interacting with the world.

One big thing I learned: how not to run a store. There’s so much Pizza Hut could be doing better. It’s like they shoot themselves in the foot, trying to follow all the profit percentages and labor hours from corporate, when in reality, all it does is cause things to mess up, and more money is spent on fixing those problems. I’ve tried talking about it with management. Other managers have tried to follow more efficient ways of doing things. But Pizza Hut doesn’t want change. They want robotic employees who do what they want without question. “We’re already doing things the right way,” they say when you try to change anything. But their “way” doesn’t work. It’s like they turn a blind eye to the reality of what’s actually going on inside the stores.

Besides the disconnect between corporate and the actual individual stores, there’s the manner of communication. Managers just…don’t. If there’s a new change implemented by the top, it doesn’t make it far. Three managers could be splitting the tip pool in three different ways. Neither would know anything had changed. There’s just no communication. And because of it, it makes everything so much more complicated and stressful than it needs to be.

And besides that, there’s the matter of how they treat their employees. I know all Pizza Huts aren’t the same, but the highest person at mine likes control. She doesn’t want to give an ounce of it to anyone under her. Even though it would be more beneficial to have someone inside the store making the schedules and deciding who to hire, she doesn’t care. Employees with the determination and ability to bring the place up from the dirt are pushed down because it also means they’re more “smart” (don’t just go along with everything; actually thinks through stuff before implementing it; needs more control to get things running smoothly). If you have a brain and like to use it (and if you have the boldness to speak it), you aren’t very much liked. They want puppets, not people.

So yeah, I know a lot now about what makes a business run and what doesn’t. I don’t know if this experience will ever help me in the future, but it’s something good to have.

And finally, my mindset. Before Pizza Hut, I had a difficult time getting out of my comfort zone. I overthought too much and shied away from doing anything unfamiliar. Go out into public? *scoffs* I’ll sit at home instead. I’m still learning, but I’m getting better at just jumping out into the unknown and (trying to) embrace the challenges and hiccups that come with everything.

Conclusion

I’m very thankful for my job at Pizza Hut. It taught me a lot, I met some really great people, and I learned a lot about myself and how I work in different environments. Maybe it wasn’t the most professional place or the most pleasant experience toward the end (no, I haven’t quit; I’m just working there less), but the Lord used it for my good. There’s just so much I learned.

February 22, 2023February 22, 2023

A Breakdown of My Personality

I am an INFJ-T. At least that’s what the 16Personalities test said when I took it—four times. Yes, I really did take it that many times, just to be sure it was accurate. The percentages varied each time, but overall, everything was the same.

If you don’t know, the Meyers-Briggs Typing Indicator assessment is something a lot of people do and obsess over. As far as I’ve seen, the results seem pretty accurate. As long as you are truthful in your answers, the outcome seems correct, and the page that tells you about your personality type seems to know a lot about everyone…in an almost creepy way.

I thought it would be fun to go over my test results and see what these people have to say about me. I will be critiquing their words and telling you guys why or why not I agree. Just a warning: if you don’t like deep topics, personality assessments, or long blog posts, this is one of those.

General Overview

To start off, the website gives me a general breakdown of my personality. They say I am “idealistic,” “principled,” and that I want to change the world for the better in a lofty and ambitious way. They also add on a lot about how conscientious I am—basically that I have a clear sense of my values, value integrity, and will define what truly matters in an independent way (not letting society or peers influence me).

Okay, I completely agree with this. I am a perfectionist, and I strongly value my morals. Definitely true on wanting to make a difference in the world. Maybe my ideas aren’t always the most realistic, but you can’t say I didn’t try. 😜

As for conscientiousness and all that stuff, I am in 100% agreement. I value integrity very highly. In fact, one of my main goals in any relationship is for my peer to be able to trust me without question. Trust is probably the thing I value highest. I work hard for it, and I want people to be able to talk to me freely—about anything—knowing I will listen without judgement and guard their information with discernment and diligence.

On the other hand, I have noticed my recent oversharing of other people’s thoughts 😳 I guess getting integrated into a workplace takes some getting used to. My brain is still having some trouble categorizing different scenarios and information and trying to process what’s shareable and what’s been gifted to me as private information. I’m learning, though.

Anyway, back to what I was saying….

I want people to know that I have an open mind. I want to be a safe place—where someone can come to sort out their thoughts and feel heard and loved. A place where they can feel free to be themselves, knowing that no matter our differences, I care for them for who they are.

As for integrity, it is true that I hold certain values very strongly. Peers and society aren’t going to make much of a difference. The only way my values are going to change is if experience or wisdom tells me they should, and I don’t really care if it’s not cool with the rest of the world; I don’t want to become like everyone else just for the sake of it.

Seeking Purpose

According to the website, I have a “commitment to make the world a better place.” I see my gifts as something to use to uplift others, and when I spot injustice, I don’t hesitate to step up for what is right—to the point that I want to fix society’s deeper issues.

Again, I think they’ve hit the nail on the head. I see my gifts as something God has given me to help others and glorify Him. As mentioned before, I have a strong sense or right and wrong, so I hate injustice. I do feel a need to fix everything wrong in the world. However, as a Christian, I know this world is a fallen one. My purpose is not to fix it, but to bring others to Christ.

Digging deeper, seeing how I interact with my workplace really affirms this. I’m a change-bringer. I step into work with an ideal, give it my all, and try to bring about a positive change. When things are less-than-ideal, or when things butt their heads against my efforts, I feel frustrated—suffocated even. And I work in pizza.

Pizza.

It’s not a life goal whatsoever. I’m not looking at it as a potential career. It’s a short-term occupation, and here I am, giving it all of my energy; treating it like I’m the head of management or something. Truly, sometimes I just need to step back and give myself a break. I have to keep reminding myself that I can’t change everything. Not everything problematic is my problem to fix.

Connecting

I am introverted, yet I care about deep, authentic relationships, which I pour a lot of energy and care into.

True. I couldn’t have said it better myself. (When are we going to get to the part where I start disagreeing with everything?😂 ) I value relationships highly. When I care about something, I care with passion. If I care about you, you can bet I’m going to pour a lot—if not all—my heart into our relationship.

On the flip side of this, having friends means I am exhausted the higher the number. I prefer to have a few good friends rather than a bunch of people I don’t know well.

Criticism

Oh wait. Here comes the part where I start disagreeing with stuff 😅

“…even constructive criticism may feel incredibly personal or hurtful to these personalities.”

On the contrary, I’m a blunt person, and I like people to be blunt with me. If I did something, and it’s bugging someone, I want to know right away. I never want an invisible obstacle to stand between us. Friends or not friends—there is no in between (although I’m trying to work on that). When in doubt, it’s better to say something or apologize than wait for the other person to bring it up.

To be fair, this is probably because of my upbringing. I have a mom who is very blunt and criticizes me none-too-rarely (for my own good, of course). She touches on everything—from motives, to decisions, to actions. I’ve become so accustomed to this, the only thing that really hurts me (concerning criticism) is non-constructive criticism. If you are just saying things that have no reason or logic behind it, that’s when it really hurts.

To be extremely fair, though, whenever I feel like someone’s upset with me (e.g., when I’m criticized), it hurts. I don’t like when other people are upset. Being the cause of said upsetness is never fun. Furthermore, when the person is right in their criticism, it can sting a little bit, but I like to think that I’m good at distinguishing fact from emotion, and I don’t express the hurt. I disregard the emotions, treat the issue as such, and take any constructive criticism with a grain of salt. It’s good to grow. I don’t want to scare away any potential growth for the future (because if you react poorly the first time, you can’t expect people to come to you with honesty in the future).

Strengths

Creative: Um, yeah. Writing, art, dance, anything beautiful—I love it.

Insightful: 100% true. Give me enough information, and I’ll develop an entire picture. I want to know everything about everyone. Motive is something I find intriguing, and when my mom asked what I would do for college if I had to choose something, I said psychology. I love understanding humans. Because I do, it gives me insight into my relationships, situations I’m in, and the inner workings of complex systems around me. I’m not saying insightfulness is always a good thing. It can lead to a lot of self-doubt, anxiety, and offended people. However, I find it a useful and sometimes fun tool when interacting with the world.

Principled: True. Integrity and trust are two things I value highly.

Passionate: When I care, I care deeply. Some people are surprised an introvert can be so talkative and excited about something so insignificant.

Altruistic: I want to do things for the greater good. I take into consideration how others are affected, and I make decisions based on that, even if I’m affected negatively. In fact, sometimes I find myself doing things for the welfare of others, despite the fact that it hurts me.

Weaknesses

Sensitive to Criticism: Again, nope. I want what you have to say, and I want it quick and straight to the point. Please don’t beat around the bush. (Maybe just don’t say it in public.)

Reluctant to Open Up: True—to an extent. It takes me a while to get to know people, but once you gain my trust, I’m pretty much an open book. I need to be careful of letting people take advantage of me.

Perfectionistic: If I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it well. If I don’t feel like doing it, I won’t even attempt it.

Avoiding the Ordinary: Yes, I don’t want to be just like everyone else or just do what everyone else does. I want to accomplish great things. However, you need to do ordinary things in order to get to the extraordinary.

Prone to Burnout: I often sign up myself for a lot of stuff without realizing the energy it will take. I’m learning to manage my time and energy better. Scheduling helps me a lot.

Um…

*scrolls down the page and looks at the website’s table of contents*

Romantic Relationships
Friendships
Parenthood
Career Paths
Workplace Habits

Oh, my. That is a lot. If you guys want me to go over it all, I can do that in another blog post or two. (I honestly haven’t even read all the material). Tell me in the comments if you want to see more like this.

T

*pops back in* I forgot to explain the “T” connected to the end of my personality type. T stands for turbulent, meaning I have a lot of self-doubt, self-criticism, and pessimism when it comes to…well, everything. I agree with this, but I hope to become more of an “A” (opposite of T; also known as “assertive”) as I grow up. Not too much assertiveness, though. There’s a balance between the two.

Conclusion

I think the personality quiz and results were pretty accurate. It was interesting seeing an outsider’s take on my thought process and motivations. Everything was on point pretty much, and the only thing they got wrong was the criticism stuff. Supposedly only 1.5% of the population is INFJ, but that’s still a lot of people, so I think they did a great job of dissecting my personality.

I enjoyed doing this blog post, and I hope you guys enjoyed getting an in-depth look into my brain! And if you want to see more like this, tell me in the comments below. If you want to take the test yourself, you can check it out here:

https://www.16personalities.com/

Again, thank you for reading, and I hope you have a wonderful day!

February 15, 2023February 15, 2023

I Got Scammed

To start off, let me just say that no, no one stole any of my money. I was too smart for that to happen 😉 My scammer left before I could waste any more of his time or energy. So how did I get scammed? I guess you could say I was scammed out of my time and energy. I put in a lot of both before I realized what was happening, and when things ended, I was left with six thousand words on the topic of alcohol abuse and nothing to show for it. Let’s jump in.

The Invitation

I’m on LinkedIn. That’s how my scammer found me. He sent me a very professional-sounding proposal through the messages feature on the platform, along with a basic outline, pay rate, and expectations of the project. Because he was so thorough, I wasn’t as suspicious as I would have been, had I got a message like any other scam offer. My scammer wanted an article:

on the topic of “The Effects of Alcohol Abuse”
7,125 words long
for an audience age 17—45
to be used as for a seminar presentation
informative yet captivating
detailing the history of alcohol, its effects, its chemical makeup, and preventative measures for alcohol abuse

I asked questions to make sure I was capable of writing such an article before proceeding. Each question was met by a thorough answer. Information and help were provided at every turn. The conversation held a professional tone.

The Offer

$1/word. For a 7k word article. Do the math yourself.

The rate is quadruple what most beginner freelancers can get. It’s also something that was too good to pass up, given that I had plenty of time to spare, and my circumstances made it an easy choice. Thus, I accepted the original message and got down to business. I was asked to create the article in the timeframe of three to four weeks. However, I replied that I’d be able to get it done much quicker (one or two weeks instead). As soon as I got all the information I needed, I started researching and got down to business.

Suspicions and Expectations

I knew from the beginning a scam was a big possibility. Getting contacted for a job is rare unless you already have some clients under your belt. Being contracted for a big project by a big company for a high rate is even more suspicious.

So I went in with my suspicions. I knew it was most likely a scam. However, as someone who didn’t have a job (yet), I had plenty of time on my hands. If happened to be a scam, I was fully prepared. Either way, no one was about to get any of my money. I made sure of it. Being told I’d be paid by check, I thoroughly explained how check scams work and then proceeded to talk about my concern with scams and how I was uncomfortable accepting check. I was then assured that no, this was not a scam, and no, I had nothing to worry about. (Spoiler alert: they lied.)

Anyway, I went against my better judgement and accepted the proposal. I knew the risks and was ready to put in a whole lot of work for nothing. If the offer turned out to be real, the pay was too good to pass up. If it didn’t…well, then I benefitted substantially. It would be a free push into the world of freelancing, and it would be a great place to start from. Besides, I wanted the full experience of researching a completely new topic and writing an article on it. My first time freelancing. What could possibly go wrong?

The Article

I started with an outline. Said outline quickly grew into a long, long first draft. By the end of day one, I knew so much about alcohol, I was convinced I’d be able to answer almost any related question. I’d researched almost everything imaginable on the subject. Effects, history, components, addiction—you name it.

Day two, and I’d read way too many stories on Reddit concerning the horrors and technicalities of alcohol abuse. Then some stories about addiction and first-hand accounts of how difficult and different everyone’s experience with it could be. And then some.

Day three, and I was done. I felt like an alcohol expert. I didn’t want to do any more research. This is where I ended the article and finished the first draft at over 6k words.

True Colors Revealed

I took my rough draft and messaged my scammer with the request for a review to make sure we were on the same page. I’d been told the article was for an important event. Thus, (with such a long piece), I wanted to make sure the article covered everything it was supposed to, and that I wasn’t expanding where it wasn’t important. I’d kept things pretty straight-to-the-point. At 1k words less than the intended amount, there was quite some room for improvement.

I got no response. For a couple of days, I brushed it off. It was Christmas; perhaps he was just on holiday. A fresh new article in my hands that no one other than a few of my friends had seen, I kept hoping. However, as Christmas passed, and the New Year rolled around, my hopes went down. I began to let things go. The silence felt intentional. It didn’t look like I’d be getting any pay, and the article (still in the first draft stage) hadn’t been shared with my scammer. It looked like I was on my own.

The Moment of Truth

Days passed. Maybe weeks passed (I don’t know). I forgot about the article and moved on in my head, not wanting to feel the disappointment lingering with the hope that maybe he was just on holiday still.

Then I got a message. On LinkedIn. From a completely different person. The message, however, was completely identical to the one I’d received, asking me to write a 7k-word article on the topic of “the effects of alcohol abuse.” Every singe word matched. Even the typos did. The only difference was that, instead of “alcohol abuse,” there were the words “cigarette abuse.”

I knew immediately that both had been/were scams. The offers were identical, and the messages matched in a way that couldn’t possibly be a coincidence. Just for the fun of it, I asked the second scammer questions. I pushed and pried, telling her about the identical offer I’d received and asked her to explain it. At first, she said she knew my first scammer. He “was on sabbatical.” She was the project manager, and since the first scammer had vanished for the moment, she was contacting me with an update to the project (which, in the first place, you can’t hire someone to write something and then just change the entire topic halfway through).

I kept questioning her. Soon enough, her answers changed. According to her, she didn’t know my first scammer; it was all just a big coincidence, and I should just accept her offer because it was a good opportunity. I confronted her about her lies. I showed her how her logic didn’t work. First, she was defensive. Then aggressive. Then, she vanished.

The whole ordeal over, I laid the article to rest (mentally) and accepted the fact that I’d never be paid for the thousands of words and hours of research I’d just gone through. I’d had my first freelancing experience. Although it wasn’t actually an authentic one, there was a lot to glean from the experience (besides the obvious “don’t accept random suspicious commissions off of LinkedIn”).

Feelings, Regrets, and Consequences

I don’t regret doing it. I think it was a good experience, and as I didn’t have a job at the time, I didn’t have much to lose besides a few days’ worth of time and energy. I’m mad at the scammers, granted. I’m kind of mad at myself for letting them get the best of me. However, I think it was a good learning experience, and at least I got to delve a bit into psychology and the human body (two of my favorite subjects).

In the end, I’m just wondering what the scammers hoped to get out of me. Right off the bat, they knew they weren’t going to get my money; I made that quite clear from the start. They weren’t getting my information, and they weren’t getting any money, so my best guess is that they realized pretty quickly I wasn’t worth their time, and after setting me up to do all the work for nothing, decided to vanish into thin air. Seriously. I can’t even find their profiles anymore.

My key takeaway from this whole thing? If you value your time and energy, don’t waste it on scams. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Don’t squint so much that the red flags look green.

February 8, 2023February 7, 2023

Turning 18

I’m excited to finally be 18!

It’s a big number for many people. Eighteen. The world likes to put a ton of significance on it for some reason, and when you reach the number, you’re suddenly handed multiple privileges you’ve never had before and expected to know how to function as an independent adult (even if you’ve never done taxes.)

So what am I excited about? Definitely not the taxes—that’s for sure. The government takes too much of my hard-earned money for it to be funny in the least bit. Expecting me to calculate it all for them on top of everything definitely doesn’t make me any happier. And with the ridiculous amount of money disappearing down the black hole of government expenses and debt, I’m surprised to see there’s leftover for things I don’t actually need…like Oreos and crackers 😜 However, despite the taxes, there are things that come with being 18 that make me excited. Some of these include:

Getting a Credit Card

I looked into several credit cards as soon as I turned 18. The main reason is that I want to start building credit. Having a good score allows you to get big things at a lower interest rate, and I’m pretty sure that the earlier you start building a clean track record, the better it is for your score.

The second reason I’m trying to get a credit card is because I want to be able to buy things easily. Although debit cards work just as well, credit cards are a lot safer, and I don’t have to worry about fraud as much. They also have some nice benefits attached (like cashback). I fully intend on paying my card off in a timely manner, and I’m not going to be spending money I don’t have. (The interest rates on these cards are crazy.) Thus, for me, a credit card is just a more secure debit card with extra benefits.

So…I’m looking into a secured card. I’d originally intended to apply for ones with cash back and no security deposit, but because I don’t have a credit history, unfortunately I’m automatically excluded from such things.

Freelancing

Freelancing is difficult no matter your age. It’s even more difficult when freelancing websites don’t allow minors, or (in best-case scenarios) won’t let you join unless under a parent’s name. And that does not work if you’re trying to build a brand for yourself. Now that I’m 18, I have free rein on most—if not all—freelancing websites, and I plan on using to my full advantage. I don’t have very high expectations for freelancing, but I’m hoping it will at least pay more than my job at Pizza Hut…or at least be a fraction of the stress when it comes to getting the hours I want.

Celebrating

So what did I do for my birthday? First off, I’ll just say I like to pretend my birthday doesn’t exist. I don’t like it when I’m made into some sort of big deal, I don’t appreciate gifts in the same way most people do, and I prefer not having to deal with the hassle of birthdays. (My close friends get birthday cards and/or gifts, though.) Oh, and I do not like big, planned out surprises.

So of course, my family knowing me so well…surprised me. Okay, I’m sort of kidding.

For clearer context, I celebrated on Sunday. That morning, I got a text from my Pizza Hut area manager asking me to come into the store to help out. I hadn’t been scheduled that day. However, it’s been extra busy recently, so I’m often asked to help out off-schedule. I went in before noon, did a bunch of R4C (ready for customer; basically stretching dough and pre-making items), and prepped some stuff for the night rush. By the time rush came around, it was chaos. I clocked out anyway though, because my parents had already planned to celebrate my birthday that night.

When I got home, the area around the dining table was decorated. There were presents and brownies (instead of cake) out on the table, and my dad made kimchi fried rice and eel for dinner. We did a birthday Zoom call with some relatives. While on the call, we ate, had dessert, and I opened presents. It was pretty fun, and I’m thankful for the thought everyone put into my birthday.

Birthday Gifts

(I’m mainly including this section for the family and friends out there who wanted to know. Feel free to skip.)

As mentioned earlier, I like to ignore my birthdays. I tell people I don’t want anything when they ask, and I let them know I don’t need a celebration. Still, that doesn’t stop them from getting me stuff.

My mom gave me a black faux fur blanket 😍 I love it. It’s so soft and warm, and I love the texture.

My coworker (and new friend) gave me some things for my birthday, including scrunchies, a drawing, a painting, and a cute little stuffed animal whose fur looks suspiciously identical to the faux fur blanket my mom bought me 😂

One of my managers from work brought party supplies (noisemakers, accessories, decorations) into the store for my birthday. I think it was really sweet of her. However, I didn’t like standing out from my coworkers. On the other hand, it was super busy that day at work, so it wasn’t like people had much time to notice me 🙂 Oh, and then because of how busy it was, she forgot about the cake she’d brought, and it stayed in the walk-in fridge until the next day, when we cut and ate it. Very sugary, but I liked it.

Some relatives sent things in the mail for my birthday. I got stationary stuff (cool scissors, mechanical pencils, etc.), hand sanitizer, cash, and a few other assorted items. And as mentioned before, I did a Zoom call with some of my relatives. That was very nice.

Age Is Just a Number

“So do you feel any older?”

I’ve been asked this question countless times in the past few days, and the answer is no, I don’t feel any older. Age is just a number. I don’t feel like an “adult” (whatever that’s supposed to mean). I feel the same as I did a few days ago, and the only reason I’m excited to be this new number is because of the privileges I gain. I don’t have to worry about legal stuff when it comes to work (except for taxes), and I’m considered a grown adult, which means I can do whatever I want based on my own judgement. The laws put in place to protect minors no longer apply to me. Thus, there’s no need to worry if I’m working “too much” or “past the legal time.” It’s all up to me now. (Of course, my parents’ opinions still play a big part in my decision-making, since I live in their house and use their vehicle to get around. That’s a whole different issue, though.)

Conclusion

I’m excited to finally be 18! Mostly, it just feels like a huge burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. Legally, I’m allowed to do pretty much anything, and I don’t have to worry anymore about all the laws meant to keep minors safe (but which were really just hindering me from doing what I wanted to do). Now that I’m actually 18, I can do some things I’ve been waiting a while to try. I can pursue stuff I’ve waited on for years. I don’t expect things to go shooting off the ground or anything (I’m a pessimist, can’t you tell?), but I am hoping to do more exploring and figure out what I’m doing with my life.

January 25, 2023January 24, 2023

I Got a Job

I graduated summer of 2022. That winter, my family decided to stop traveling in our RV (indefinitely) and move into a house in the city. Being the ideal (and possibly only) time to get a job, I decided to go for it. I ended up landing a job at Pizza Hut.

What I expected to get: a full-time job as a cook or something else in the background—preferably with an organized team and manager. $12/hr was my minimum starting point.

What I actually got: a part time position as a customer service representative. I’m working with very chaotic and disorganized people. A lot of them act not-so-professionally, and there’s a lot of swearing and some sexual innuendo stuff going on. I’m getting paid the absolute minimum legally allowed: $11/hr. My job consists of answering phones, placing orders, and manning the front desk—all customer service stuff. The only cooking I’m doing is wing orders.

Applying for the Job

Pizza Hut’s website allows you to apply to certain positions at certain locations. I chose the location less than two miles away from our home and selected a specific role: cook. (I needed to be able to walk to work if necessary. So far, I’ve only done that once.)

The website gives almost zero information. There was nothing on the pay or hours except that the position was “full-time,” and the website said I’d get more information at my interview. A few days later, I got a text from the area manager. She told me they could interview me, and she set up a time and place to meet.

Interview

I went into my interview ten minutes early. Ten minutes passed, and my interviewer (who I work with, by the way) was still not there. Another ten minutes. Still nothing. Another ten minutes, and my parents suggested I reschedule the interview to another day. Finally (at over 30 minutes late to my scheduled interview), the guy got in. At that point, I knew the job was super casual, and I’d pretty much lost all respect for said guy. (I mean, who comes in 30 minutes late to an interview?!) The guy called me to the back and proceeded to scroll through his phone a bit before telling me a bit about the job and asking me two questions. One of them was if I’d had a job before. The other was about…actually, let me give you the full experience.

Guy: What’s one good thing about you?

Me: I’m organized.

Guy: I’m not.

*nervous laughing*

Guy: All right, what’s one thing you don’t like about yourself?

Me: I have mild social anxiety.

Guy: *nods and proceeds to hire me*

Oh, and for clearer context, he’d just told me the position was a CSR one, which meant I’d be working with people. At that point, I didn’t care; Mr. Guy had set himself up for failure. He’d come in late to the interview, and on top of that, the job turned out to be nothing like what I’d signed up for…unless you count the fact that it’s at Pizza Hut. I was really questioning whether or not I really wanted the job. When he asked what one bad thing about me was, I purposely said social anxiety, because it contradicted the role, and it was more likely he wouldn’t hire me. But apparently, they’ll hire anybody. As long as you breathe, have a pulse, and can learn and work, you’re good to go. So he showed me the forms I’d be signing (all electronically) and left me to sign them.

At that point, the “rush” (when people start ordering all at one time because it’s a meal time) had started. Because the guy had come in late to the interview, he was busy making pizzas while I asked him questions and signed forms. I did a lot of standing around—partly because I was too nervous to interrupt, and partly because the guy kept forgetting I was there and chatted with his coworkers when he wasn’t busy.

Finally, about three hours later, I’d signed anything and had no idea what was supposed to happen next. My interviewer was still busy but managed to tell me that I could go; I was hired. I then asked about dress code and a few other things. Then, I left. (I was given almost no information. I came into the interview knowing pretty much nothing, had to press my interviewer for information, and left knowing almost nothing, since there was too much to ask about, and I was just in the way. At this point, I was really considering whether I actually wanted the job or not.)

First Day of Work

I didn’t hear anything for the first week. I’d been told I’d get an email with more information within the next couple of days. However, after many days of dead silence, I contacted the area manager and asked her about the position. (They’d really hired me, right?) She never responded to my text. A few days later, I received a call from the guy who’d interviewed me. He asked me to come in a certain day and told me my training would begin then.

For training, I watched a bunch of cringy videos (think little kid shows that try way too hard to get the viewer involved) on how to be a decent human being. The voiceovers were terrible, the acting was bad, and the videos were horrific. I don’t think I’ve ever cringed so hard in my life. It’s like Dora the Explorer, where she’s constantly asking “what do you think we should do?” and saying “let’s look at the map!” in a fake, overly-excited voice. Anyway…

My first day of work was New Year’s Eve. I came in to work thinking I was going to do more training. Instead, I was tossed straight into the mix. New Year’s Eve was super busy. I was put on phones and phones only, and they were ringing almost constantly for a couple of hours, so I had plenty of opportunity to get adjusted to the job. When things started to slow down, I found myself standing around a bit, and since I didn’t know how to do anything else and didn’t want to get in the way, I let it stay that way. When my scheduled time ended, I left the restaurant and went home.

More Training

The second time I went in for work, I learned how to cash customers out at the front desk and make sure they get everything on their orders. I also learned how to make wings, which isn’t part of the CSR role, but it’s nice to be able to help out wherever possible, since the Centerton location doesn’t schedule enough people. (They want to make as much money as possible while paying for the least amount of labor possible.)

I figured out pretty quickly that my training was going to be minimal. Instead of doing the shoulder-to-shoulder work on the lists in my training program, I was taught only as needed (whenever things happened). There was very little training and a lot of, “Here you go. Do this, and if you need help, call for someone.” A lot of times, there was no one around to coach me through things, so I was constantly asking for help with stuff I was already supposed to know. As a result, I ended up taking my training into my own hands.

If I wanted to learn how to do something, I asked about it. If a customer had a situation I didn’t know how to handle, I handed it off to a manager and made sure I got the details of how things played out and why. (I prefer to know everything than remain ignorant and have to ask for help when the situation happens again.) Some managers were more than willing to help. Others weren’t so enthusiastic about my many questions. And I get it; it’s annoying when a new person comes in and is constantly asking you to explain things to them. Thus, I ended up singling out the more friendly people for advice. After a week or two, I began to get into the gist of everything. Things started to come naturally to me, and soon, I knew how to do more things than the other CSR’s and delivery drivers (who can answer phones, do dishes and prep, and deliver food to customers).

Customers

I hit it off immediately with the customers. The rules are pretty simple: smile, give people their (correct) orders, fix any mistakes promptly with an apology, and show that you care. People seem to appreciate the way that I treat them. A few even comment on my “good attitude,” and regular customers sometimes stop to chat with me for a bit (although I have to admit I don’t remember most of them). In such a fast-paced environment, there’s no time for social anxiety to set in. Thus, I grew accustomed to interacting with strangers almost immediately. I even found myself enjoying the job.

Coworkers

I still don’t know all my coworkers, and I’m not sure all of them know me. When I first entered the job, I was pretty reserved and shied away from talking to anyone. However, one night of chaos and laughter was enough to change my mind. New Year’s Eve was crazy. Besides the many customers, someone had brought in party stuff (decorations, accessories, and candy). A few people were hard at work running the store. Meanwhile, the rest were lounging around whenever possible, joking with each other, and blowing party horns in each other’s faces. Seeing how free everyone was with each other made me let down my guard a bit, and I decided to take on socializing with an open approach.

I didn’t try to talk to anyone. I barely met anyone the first couple of days. However, when people talked to me, I welcomed them (not literally; I’m talking body language and tone of voice here), and I attempted to be extra friendly. This resulted in me making a few acquaintances. We’ll get into that in a little bit.

Work Ethics

The first thing people seem to notice about me is the way that I work. Apparently, in the fast food industry, it’s difficult to get people who work hard, treat customers and coworkers with respect, and do things with a positive, helpful attitude. In my first few days, I got a lot of comments on my “work ethic.” Delivery drivers appreciate that I help out with dishes. (That’s their responsibility in down time.) Managers appreciate that I do my job—and more—without being asked. (They don’t need to constantly check up on me like a babysitter. I know what to do, and if I don’t, I ask for advice or help.)

Of course, I didn’t know how to do everything right away. When I first started out, I was helping a lot more with dishes when things weren’t busy. However, as I learned cut table, WingStreet, make table, and front desk, I moved to doing those instead. One of the managers also recovered the CSR cleaning duty list. (Someone “lost” it, apparently.) Now, every night I’m scheduled, I spend at least an hour cleaning things, including the bathroom, windows, and phones. I’m also in charge of wiping down food areas and making sure the fridge up front is stocked. Heavy trays of soda—combined with mopping—has made sure my shoulders and neck are given a thorough workout.

Managers

I met my favorite manager a few shifts in (along with my favorite coworker, but she recently left). Unlike many of the other managers there, this manager is approachable. He shows he cares about and appreciates his employees, takes action to make sure things run smoothly, and overall just makes my shift—no matter how chaotic—enjoyable. Mostly, he doesn’t act in a condescending manner. He’s very friendly and treats everyone as an equal, and I like the way he coaches through things. (Think charismatic and hands-on, vs commanding.) He’s proactive, realistic, and knows what it takes to get things running smoothly.

Meeting said favorite manager is when I really started to look forward to work. Shifts with him are fun. Any ones without him are either fun or all right. In fact, there was only one time I didn’t like a shift, and that was when I was stuck with two managers who stayed at cut table most of the time, joking about…well, not-so-appropriate things for a professional environment.

Okay, maybe two shifts. There has only been one so far where I felt like crying, however (go-to response for dealing with stress and angry people). It didn’t have to do with the manager. We were swamped, I was the only CSR, and I was filling in for a lot of cook stuff, all while dealing with impatient customers on the phones. We also had a new cook that day (so more mistakes). Oh, and prep hadn’t been done earlier. Overall, it was super stressful, but afterwards, people were back to laughing and joking around.

I’m actually really surprised how much of a difference the manager makes. Sure, having certain coworkers around can make a difference, but the manager seems to set the tone for the most part. Some days, people are less willing to help out (“that’s not my job”). On others, my coworkers are putting in a ton of effort to help where they can—even beyond their actual responsibilities. Then, there’s the matter of how laid-back/upbeat everything’s going to be.

Actually, let me take that back a bit. It takes a majority of the team to make a difference. Starting at the top, if the managers are either ignoring their employees or going around with nothing but criticism, the workplace it bound to have a negative atmosphere. If employees come in with personal issues and are feeling down and showing it, people around them are bound to feed off of that negativity. However, if people come in with smiles and a good attitude, it’s likely that others will catch on, and work can be fun for most—if not all—employees.

Moving Up/Sideways

In the fast food industry, there’s a high turnover rate. People are constantly cycling in and out of there, and at my workplace, it’s difficult to find people who are reliable and consistent. Thus, it’s convenient to have people cross-trained in multiple roles. A couple of weeks after starting, I’d learned how to do pretty much everything except cooking, and I was even told I could become a shift leader. (After two weeks! It’s crazy how quickly you can move up here.) I didn’t become a shift leader, as I currently can’t fulfill the role, but it seems like any dedicated worker can do so.

After a few cooks left, I was asked to cross-train for the position. I agreed, and after one morning of some manager coaching, I knew how to make everything on the menu. So now I can do pretty much everything. It’s helpful on days when there aren’t enough people, and I believe it lifts some of the pressure off of my managers’ shoulders. Oh, and an update: I now work full-time. Well, I have more hours at least. Now that I’m a cook and CSR, I’m able to fill in for more of the schedule.

Plans for My Job

I’m still in the “figuring it out” stage with my job. Right now, there are a ton of reasons to leave, and the only thing keeping me there is the fact that I like it. Plus, there’s a chance I might be able to make a difference. (Side note: I went into the job “knowing I wouldn’t like it.” To my surprise, it’s turned out to be the opposite way around. I owe it mostly to that one manager. Things are changing, and I feel like a partner in crime 😉)

Reasons to stay: I love my job (currently). It’s really fun, and surprisingly, I like the fast-paced environment. I also like that one manager in particular. On days we’re scheduled together, it feels more like hanging out with a friend doing a (sometimes stressful and chaotic) activity, rather than working a job. Same with a few other coworkers. Also, due to said manager, things will be changing. I’m very excited about it. (If you know me, you know I’ll jump on any chance to be the change anywhere. I’ll literally give it all my energy, time, and motivation.)

Reasons to leave: The pay is terrible. I’m doing almost everything a manager does and making minimum wage. Even managers don’t make much. Drivers can earn $30/hour on busy days, while managers are earning like $13/hour doing a lot more. Also, the scheduling isn’t the best. They’re trying to cut down on labor, which results in chaotic shifts, managers getting more hours due to having to stay late, and everyone else feeling left out. The schedule gets posted way too last-minute. Then, things get switched around without notice. One week, I had an earlier version of the schedule and was coming in when I wasn’t supposed to…but we won’t get into that.

If I could sum up my workplace with three adjectives, it would be this: chaotic, uncommunicative, and inefficient. With the right people in higher places, things could be run a lot better. That’s all I’m going to say.

Conclusion

I know this is an entry-level job. I’m not supposed to care about the company, and I’m not supposed to want to change it for the better. However, that’s exactly what’s happening. If I see a chance to make a difference, I’m snatching it up, and needless to say, I’m going to continue to give Pizza Hut my all. So, am I staying? Yes, I am—for now, at least. Do I see this as a career? No, not really. It comes down to the poor pay and unsteady hours. If it were up to me, I’d be working four ten-hour days as a cook then night CSR. I’d also be earning at least $13/hr. However, it’s not up to me, so I don’t think I’ll be staying here too long.

I don’t plan on leaving now. As mentioned before, things are starting to change, I’m excited to be a part of it, and I enjoy the job. I guess there are only two ways I’d leave. One, if my favorite manager quit. (😅 I know I sound dramatic, but without him, I only see things going downhill.) Two, if I make a ton more money freelancing once I turn 18. However, it would probably have to be a combination of these two. I think there are a lot of ways God could use me in my workplace, and I don’t want to cut it off prematurely for money, especially when the Lord has already done some stuff. Onwards and upwards!

January 18, 2023January 19, 2023

Growing Up

For the past few years, I’ve had a nervous excitement about growing up. Freedom, opportunity, and decision all come with becoming an adult, and to most young minds, it’s something to look forward to. For me, it was definitely that. I wanted to be in control of my life. I wanted to know what it was like to make decisions for myself, control my relationships, have a job, do taxes, and pay bills. (I know, maybe I’m weird for those last ones, but I consider myself a pessimistic realist.)

Background

Trigger warning: If hearing about mental issues, depression, suicide, etc. upsets you, you might want to skip this section.

For the prior four or five years, I’d felt trapped in a cycle where I wasn’t able to grow. I woke up, ate, did school, and went to bed. On weekends, we’d do something outside like hiking or seeing someone we knew, and then the cycle repeated itself. I went through the week waiting for the weekends, then spent the fleeting weekends worrying about the week days. (I never enjoyed school. In fact, you could probably say I dreaded it. The days got even more tedious when I was put in charge of helping my youngest brother with his homework.) I was finding joy in temporary, worldly things. My joy was not in the Lord.

From the outside, I had the perfect life. I had two loving parents, traveled the country in an RV, got to visit all kinds of places, got to see relatives and friends in different parts of the US, and was homeschooled (ultimate flexibility). For many people, my life was their dream. And to be fair, there were points where I was genuinely, 100 percent happy. Sadly, however, that was rarely the case. From the outside, I seemed poised and put together. Inside, it was chaos.

It started off small—the “I don’t likes” of my new lifestyle. I felt plucked out of my prior, “stable” house life. I never knew when we’d move or where we’d end up next, and I hated not knowing where we were going until we were either driving to the place or already there. I missed the church we’d been at prior—even though I hadn’t really had any connections there. In fact, my first (and only, at the time) deeper relationships as a Christian pulled away right before we left for the road. That really devastated me.

However, it gets a lot deeper. I was a new believer, and I was struggling with my faith. Add on the conflicts of being the firstborn and a new teen (wanting more independence) and all the ridiculousness that comes along with that, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. My relationship with the Lord was not solid. At that point, I didn’t even know what being a Christian was supposed to look like. I was more on the side of “religious” than “relational.” I was so confused, as well as battling some personal issues, and I just wanted a loving, emotionally-available person to help guide me and talk through things with me without judgement. *facepalm* If only I’d been able to give that role to Jesus. But I guess that’s why I went through more than four years of the same trial. *heavy sigh* Eventually, I learned, but in took bringing me to rock bottom for me to finally relinquish control. I felt trapped, alone, and lost. Mostly just alone.

I’d say this was the lowest point in my life. I was crying myself to sleep almost every night, taking out my frustration and emotions in ways that weren’t healthy or beneficial to the rest of my family, and distracting myself from my problems with books and food. I wasn’t leaning on God. Sure, I prayed and cried out to Him, but I was mainly doing everything else listed above. I’m actually really surprised how important food became to me during that time. It consumed my thoughts to the point that I was fasting to try to get rid of my addiction/idolatry of it, but in the end, I was treating a symptom, not the root.

There was a lot I was holding onto that I needed to let go of. I had so many bottled-up emotions and bitterness inside of me, and I had to learn to forgive…and forgive…and forgive. It was exhausting. It hurt. I was going through the transition of thinking adults know it all and I should follow blindly to realizing that I should actually think for myself; the Lord gave me my own mind and wants to have a personal relationship with me. He wants to know me, not some emotionless robot version of myself. There’s definitely a balance between taking the wisdom of older people and thinking for yourself, and it took me forever to find it.

I learned by trial and error. When I say it hurt, it hurt. My heart got broken multiple times. I was betrayed in my most vulnerable moments, and after years of irrationally expecting humans to react perfectly to my problems, I started to realize I couldn’t put my faith in humanity. (Lol this sounds depressing, but please try to get my point.) It took the Lord breaking me—many, many times—to bring me to realize that my trust needs to ultimately be in Him. People are going to fail me. Everyone is flawed. I need to use judgement in my relationships—no matter how close I am to the person—because the Lord is the only one I’ll ever be able to open up to fully and unabashedly. I need to take responsibility in every relationship. That includes guarding my mouth and heart and using discernment to know how to approach situation—not expecting the other person to act perfectly just because they’re “older” or “more experienced.”

It felt like the trial lasted forever, and honestly, it never really just ended. There were ups and downs and many plateaus. At times, things got so tough, I probably wouldn’t be alive if the Lord hadn’t protected me. I was so tempted to just throw in the towel and be done with everything. I think the one thing that kept me going was knowing that it would be dishonoring to the Lord if I did so. I couldn’t feel the Lord’s presence half the time, but I knew He was with me. Giving up would have been giving in to the devil’s lies.

Things got really intense over the course of maybe two years. I had a lot of false ideals and thoughts that I needed to stop fighting for, and once I started to surrender them to the Lord, things got way easier. About two years ago, my relationship with God really deepened. He became so much closer to me. Although I still struggled with things, my faith in Him became so much stronger, and He was able to use everything I was going through to draw me nearer to Himself. I began to see His hand in everything. Knowing He had me in the palm of His hand, even as waves thundered down upon me—being able to let go amidst it all and know He’s in complete control—was so relieving. Finally, about half a year ago, the Lord removed the trial.

*moment of silence for the Lord’s goodness*

Those years were so difficult. My faith and beliefs were tested in ways that almost killed me, but the Lord was steadfastly faithful. Even if I could rewind time, I wouldn’t change a thing. Because of that period of my life, I know the Lord’s love, mercy, and faithfulness in a way I never would have without going through what I did. He increased so much more in my life, and I decreased.

My Old View of Growing Up

Wow! That got really deep and personal 😅 I did not ever plan to write about that on my blog. It kind of just came out, and now I guess I’ll just leave it out there as a testimony to the Lord’s goodness.

Trigger warning safe spot (Nothing triggering here; welcome back!)

Anyway, now that we’re done with that whole story (which I hope can encourage you if you’re going through something similar), let’s connect it to how it affected my idea of growing up.

To start off, I wanted to grow up in order to escape that particular trial. I wanted control. I didn’t want to have to be in the vulnerable position I was in any longer. For me, growing up meant freedom. Freedom to find my identity in Christ—on my own (going back to the realizing I can think for myself thing). Freedom to manage my own relationships. Freedom to serve Christ in the way I felt He was calling me to.

As a realistic—and pessimistic—person, I knew growing up wouldn’t be easy. And it’s not. It’s not easy at all. Trying to figure out what you want to do with your life in the span of a few years—careers, jobs, families—is stressful. All of a sudden, there are a hundred different pressures on you that weren’t there before, and you have over a thousand options to choose from. It doesn’t make it any easier that basic necessities like housing and transportation cost a ton and are complicated attain.

(Note my use of past tense. You’ll understand why soon.)

For me, I knew where I wanted to be in five years. I had a basic idea of how I wanted to live, as well as several interests that I wanted to pursue. I had a goal, and I wanted to make sure I got there.

However, things weren’t going according to plan (my plan, to be exact). Circumstances dictated that I wouldn’t be able to do what I wanted to do, and because I wasn’t ready to let my plans drop, I was constantly worrying about my life. It may sound silly to some of you, but I was stressing about my possible future failures of measuring up to my goals, as if they were already happening. (One example of this is how I want to be a mom. I took where I was at, looked at my circumstances, and got depressed because things weren’t heading toward my goal.) As someone who is always pushing herself to do better, reach the next milestone, and keep climbing, I was putting a ton of pressure on myself to do things I wasn’t able to do in the moment. Of course, that didn’t help anything. It was all a very stressful, confusing ordeal.

The World

Growing up seems like something that most—if not all—young adults struggle with. It’s rare that I meet someone my age who isn’t worried about their life. In fact, I’ve even met adults in their late 20’s and early 30’s who are stressing about where they’re at. As time went on, and I saw just how many people were in the same boat as me, I started to realize something else—or rather, a question popped into my head.

How much of my fears and anxieties were from the Lord? How much of it was actually helping me to get anywhere? The answer to these questions were, one, none of it was from the Lord, and two, my worrying was getting me nowhere. Instead, all I was doing was hindering my walk with the Lord. I made things a lot more difficult than they had to be, and I caused myself to be hopeless and joyless, because of my despondent viewpoint.

God is in Control

“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:31–33)

Every human being on planet earth worries. It’s in our nature to do so. However, in this verse, Jesus says it’s what the Gentiles (“world,” when put into context) does. The world is anxious about every day. The world seeks money and food first above God.

In these verses, Jesus is basically saying to be unlike the world. Stop worrying about the future, and trust that He will provide for you. Now, of course that doesn’t mean sit at home and eat chips and watch TV all day. For me, this means that I need to seek to do the Lord’s will above all else, and He will provide everything I need.

He doesn’t promise it will be easy. He doesn’t promise I’ll have the time of my life trusting Him. We live in a fallen world, and as such, nothing will be perfect. It may very well be difficult and painful. However, my Lord died for me. I love Him above all else, and I will gladly do whatever He asks of me. Plus, He’s my heavenly Father. He knows exactly what I need. He knows what’s best for me. Time and time again, He’s shown His perfect love and understanding in the way my circumstances work out, and I’ll never be able to fully comprehend His amazing goodness. (Did that sound like a fried chicken ad or something? )

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Perspective

So how do I live this out?

First of all, I need to be content. *sigh* Contentment is so difficult— especially when I have a list in my head of everything I want my life to be. I want to be a wife and mom. I want to live independently for a year or two. Right now, it doesn’t look like either of those things will be happening. However, circumstances can (and most likely will) change. As an author, I know how fun it is to throw plot twists at my characters. How much more will God, the ultimate author and writer of all our stories, but also a loving father who cares deeply for His children, do the same? I don’t think I’ve gone more than five years without something in my life drastically changing. It doesn’t mean I depend on the change. It’s just that I know anything could happen, and until then, I’m content waiting on the Lord’s timing.

I think contentment means surrendering to God’s will—putting Him first above my wants and desires. His timing and plan is perfect. I need to trust in full faith that He has me where He wants me at the moment. When he wants me to move on, He’ll show me the way. Remember how I said trusting Him to provide doesn’t mean sitting at home and eating chips all day? (I mean, unless that’s truly what you think the Lord wants you to do. In that case, go all in XD) For me, trusting Him means seeking Him out and following where I think He’s trying to lead me.

“And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6)

God stresses faith so much. Without faith (as stated above), it’s impossible to please Him. We were created to live for His glory, and thus, He shows His children how He wants them to live. Now, this doesn’t mean He has one set of rules and wants everyone to live cookie cutter lives. No, in fact, He has created so many diverse stories, and each person is unique, so that what one person does in full faith, another may not be able in faith at all.

For me, following in faith means being content with where I’m at now, and if He opens doors or opportunities for me, I’ll follow. If something unexpected comes up, I’ll take it as His way of telling me, “Here, I want you to do this.” Until He shuts those doors, I’ll keep going down those new paths and trusting that that’s where He wants me. He also works through my desires, and it’s kind of the same thing as the doors. I’ll pursue things, and if they work out, then great! I’ll take it as a yes. (Things like applying for jobs, for example. I’m didn’t wait for Pizza Hut to find and approach me with a job offer. I wanted to get a job. Thus, I applied and ended up getting it.) If things consistently don’t work out, I’ll take it as a no.

Conclusion

Learning contentment and trusting that God will lead me where He wants me to go has made life a lot easier. Instead of being anxious and depressed all the time, I’m able to trust that He’s working everything out. (Not saying I don’t worry; I definitely still do a bunch of that.) Ultimately, He’s in control. Even more amazingly, every time I give him more of my trust, He rewards it—whether that be in the small things in my daily life, or in the overarching story of everything.

The Lord is good, and the Lord is faithful. Things may not look perfect in the moment, but sometimes I just need to hang in there and wait for His timing.

January 4, 2023January 1, 2023

New Year’s Resolutions

I’ve never done New Year’s resolutions, since I’ve never really seen the value in them and am always striving to become a better version of myself anyway (more Christ-like). Plus, they seem kind of cliché. However, for the sake of a blog post and recording my subconscious goals on paper…ah, the screen…we are doing this. And then at the end of the year, we’ll do a review of how well I met these goals.

Grow Closer to God

The obvious goal and the entire goal of my life. Since I want to be able to measure up to this in 365 days, I’m going to put this into a more tangible form. I want to be reaching for God in any and all circumstances. I want to be praising him, pleading for His help, and everything else in between, no matter what’s going on. Knowing Him more (reading His word) will definitely help, as well as just making it a habit to be praying all the time. I’ve already found this increasing in my life because of the new friends I have now. However, I want to see this become permanent and something I do no matter if I have the same encouragement or not.

Work on Relationships

With more privilege comes greater responsibility. Recently, the Lord has blessed me with several new friendships. One of them bloomed super quickly and just took off into the sky like the fireworks in the picture above. The others sprouted more steadily. There’s a lot of potential, and I’m both excited and scared to see where they go.

This year, I want to focus on being a good friend, nurturing the relationships the Lord has blessed me with, and being an encouraging person who causes others glorify the Lord and builds up her friends through profitable speech. I’m not sure how I will measure this at the end of the year. However, I do know the things I want to do more: listen, learn, and love.

For listening, I want to hear what people have to say. Whether that be joyful news, prayer requests, or just a rant, I want to give whoever it is my full attention and just show that I care. (And if I say I’ll pray for them, I really mean it. I pray right then and there and then some afterwards.)

For learning, everyone’s got some wisdom or experiences I can learn from. I love hearing stories from older (or even younger) people and knowing their thoughts and opinions on what happened. Seeing things through other people’s perspectives is so refreshing. I want to take whatever I can learn from these people, follow their examples of Christ-like behavior, and just let the Lord speak through them.

For loving, I want to be more…loving. Each person is different. Every person has their weaknesses and strengths. Learning to love them through their flaws and preferences can be difficult, and I want to get better at letting my own selfishness go in order to serve other people. 1 Corinthians talks about what love is, and it’s a whole lot of things I am naturally not. As a Christian, I want to become more like Jesus and let His light shine through me, but I know this is going to be a difficult one—especially with people I don’t get along well with.

Step up My Social Game

I don’t do the best in social situations. I hate small talk, and my first instinct upon meeting anyone (especially a guy) is to push them away and make them not like me. This is obviously not a good place to be in. I find myself regretting the way I react in the moment when I actually have time to think—especially if the person was going out of their way to be friendly and nice to me, because I really do appreciate it.

Anyway, since I got a job as a CSR (customer service representative) at Pizza Hut, I’m definitely going to be put in many social situations. Everything is pretty casual. During the rush (which is when I’ll be scheduled), there will be many customers to interact with, both in person and on the phones. Outside of the rush, everything is pretty laid back. Some of my coworkers are really friendly, and I hope to get to know them better and maybe even make some acquaintances.

Write and Blog Consistently

Here’s a super measurable one. I want to write consistently. Whether that be in one of my WIP’s, a blog post, a journal, or an essay-like email, as long as it requires a generous measure of brain power and thought, it counts. To be extra strict on myself though, I’m going to say writing at least one word in any of my WIP’s every day. I know this will be a tough one when I’m going through the editing process.

As for the second part of this goal—blog consistently—I’ll be producing a new post every Wednesday. Currently, I have ideas planned out into May, so I’ll need to do some brainstorming before the year is over. If you guys want to see anything in particular, go ahead and write it in the comments!

Oh, and I almost forgot—my newsletter! Since adding in all the new sections and exclusive stuff you don’t see on IG or my blog, I have to put in a substantial amount of extra energy into each email. And since I send out one every week…well, hopefully I can keep up with delivering quality content to your inboxes.

Finish Filling Out My Super Secret Journal

I’m kidding. It’s not super secret, and I don’t even know if I can call it a journal. It’s a Google Docs with parchment/old paper images over each page and fancy fonts for the headings and text. The topic of the journal: my in-depth thoughts on marriage, children, relationships, and the like. It’s mostly so I can write out my opinions and thoughts and inspect them in light of Scripture. I know some girls write letters to their future husbands. I don’t do that, but I have a friend who does. I joked to her that while she’s creating something cute and adorable that she can share with her future husband, I’m making something I can dump on him before marriage to be like, “Are you sure you really want to commit to this?” 😂 Of course, assuming I actually get married. Right now, it’s just a way to self-reflect.

Publish TJB

For explanation, TJB is the abbreviation for my historical fiction WIP, The Jewish Baby. Currently, it’s in the stage of developmental editing, and I hope to get back to it after I finish writing the rough draft of my NaNo WIP. Publishing will be a huge process. Especially since I’m doing everything myself. Finishing up the novel is just the first step. Then, comes marketing. (Ah, the life of an indie author.)

Also, for those of you who don’t know, I have four WIP’s. Three are part of a fantasy/sci-fi/dystopian trilogy. The other one is a standalone historical fiction novel set in WWII. Click on the images below to learn more about the trilogy. (Each is a separate blog post covering the topic indicated on the picture.)

Start Freelancing

On February 6th, I turn 18. That means I can start working as a freelancer and easily sign the contracts that most freelancers use in order to avoid getting scammed like I may have just been. (We’ll save that for another blog post when I figure things out.) I’ve never tried freelancing, so I’m excited to get into it and start working from my computer. If things go well, it will turn into a full-time job. If things go only kind of well, it will be a source of side income. If nothing goes well at all, I’ll try to forget about it. However, freelancing has been a dream of mine for some time now, and I’m hoping it can turn into an alternative for things like working at fast food restaurants. (I’m mainly at Pizza Hut for the experience, but we’ll get into that in a few weeks.) Being able to earn money doing what I love—like writing, research, tech stuff, and design—sounds like a dream, and I’m hoping it doesn’t turn out to be just that.

Keep a More Positive Mindset

I am a natural pessimist and overthinker who is good at making anything sound depressing and hurting her own feelings. I’m also someone who is always pushing to reach the next milestone, attain the next goal, and keep climbing. I have a difficult time seeing the small things and just living in the moment. This year, I want to be more mindful of my thoughts (taking all thoughts captive) and work on just trusting the Lord’s plan. Let’s get a little deep here.

A few months back, I was having a hard time because I couldn’t see where my life was headed. I was extrapolating where I am now into like, five years in the future and getting sad about it. (Ridiculous, I know.) Also feeling like life was a monotonous cycle that would never change. I’m not talking about my writing here. More just my life and if I’d have a family, be independent, etc. It was truly absurd—something most young adults worry about, but it’s a worldly care. I should be trusting God with my future, not falling into hopelessness.

Now I’ve come to a mindset where I’m content waiting on the Lord. I continue the cycle day in and day out. I try to serve the Lord in the small things, like helping my family. If He opens doors and opportunities, that’s great; I’ll go there. But trying not to despair and seeing the joy in the small things—God’s love in everything and everyone around me. His timing is perfect. He has everything planned out already. I just need to live in faith and follow His leading. Easier said than done, but that’s where I’m trying to be. Learning contentment, peace, and rest will all be a big part in this, and I’m already experiencing the joyous rest of laying all my burdens on Him.

Conclusion

I guess these are more goals than resolutions. Depending on the amount of time I have and how much of my life my new job takes up, I may or may not complete some of the bigger ones. However, I think the biggest thing is just growing closer to the Lord. If I don’t accomplish much in the world’s sense, it doesn’t matter if I’m in a better place with God. Our relationship matters above all else. Everything I’m going through now is to draw me closer to Him and to help others to do the same, so I don’t really care if I get X amount of books published in X amount of years.

But Granny, I do know you want me to publish The Jewish Baby, so I will try to do that. I will try to make sure you aren’t waiting that much longer for a real copy. There’s lots of rewriting I need to do.

December 28, 2022December 27, 2022

New Things I’ve Done This Year

So much has happened this past year, and I’m so grateful for everything the Lord has given and taken away, as well as for how much He has allowed me to grow. I’ve had so many new experiences. Some of them were exhilarating, some of them nerve-racking, and some of them heartwarming. This year, I…

…wrote a resume and cover letter

I actually wrote multiple cover letters for a variety of jobs. These ranged from editing, to website design, to all kinds of writing positions. Spoiler alert: I got none of them. I did get interviewed for several, however. One woman (the owner of a clothing store in Boulder, CO) even told me she would hire me for a social media manager/transition role in November, but then she never got back to me, so I was a little disappointed. However, I saw it as the Lord’s way of closing a door and telling me He had other things in mind.

…did job interviews

I did an interview over the phone that went well (although I didn’t end up getting the job). I did a video interview that went terribly. (There were awkward pauses, and my mind went blank at all the wrong times.) I had an in-person interview, where the guy who was interviewing me constantly got distracted because it was rush hour, and people wanted pizzas. Yes, that is the job I have now. There wasn’t much “interview” involved. I didn’t answer one of the questions how I would have, had I really cared about getting the position (I’ll tell you guys about it in a future blog post), but then again, fast food restaurants will pretty much hire anyone.

…got a job

I got a job at Pizza Hut. The hours are flexible, pay isn’t great, but I hope to gain experience and learn new stuff there. My training begins today, and my work hours will be decided in the future. Even the role isn’t very clear. It might be customer service, it could be making pizzas, or it could be a mixture. I’ll tell you about everything in more depth in a later blog post.

…got a phone

I got my first phone in October. (Or was it November?) I’m so grateful for it, as it has allowed me to have more independence both physically and on the internet. Getting a phone made doing many things way easier. It’s been so helpful to me both personally and in relation to my writing journey, and the connections I’ve made I hope will last for many years to come.

…got a driver's license

It was nerve-wracking. It was not fun. I still don’t like driving. However, yes, I do have a driver’s license, and yes, I know how to drive. I’m not the best of it and have terrible anxiety on crowded roads, but I have a driver’s license for ID and emergencies…and if my family wants me to drive them somewhere that doesn’t have a thousand other vehicles around.

(You can read a more in depth blog post about getting my license here.)

…joined a writer community

I joined a writing community…and then left. It was a great experience! I got to see what other young, Christian writers are doing, and I got to meet some people I still keep in touch with to this day. (Okay, it’s only been a few months, but it feels like I’ve known Jessica for a lot longer.) I’m so thankful I got that opportunity, and while I don’t plan on returning, it taught me a lot and allowed me to meet two people I’m very grateful for.

(If you want to read a more in depth post about my experience with the writing community, you can find it here.)

…made new friends for the first time in many years

I spent almost all of my teen years on the road without any constant in-person relationships. There was one period where we traveled with some friends, but we’d known them for years earlier. Now, (almost 18), I live in a house with my family and still don’t have any (constant) in-person relationships. I was also saved right before we started traveling. That’s not a very important note, but it’s something to consider, because it changed the way I view relationships and just life in general. Anyway…

I made new friends this year! I’ve gotten to experience new relationships as a Christian, learning to interact with new connections on my own, while using my own discernment and (not) social skills. Hehe. I’m still learning; it all feels new, especially with the fact that these are online-only relationships, but—I can’t even explain how it feels. Being able to encourage and be encouraged by fellow believers, getting to learn from other people who live in other parts of the world, hearing their stories, and listening to the way they view things—it’s…heartwarming, I guess? That doesn’t even begin to explain it. There’s something on a spiritual level that connects all of the different members of Christ’s church, and being able to meet these people and talk to them is such a privilege. Being able to revel in Christ’s love for us together, even though we just met…so amazing!

All right, the happy rant is over. You may move on XD

…did Inktober

I didn’t know what Inktober was until just right before it began. Anyway, it’s a drawing challenge, where you try to draw something for all 31 days of October. The rules aren’t strict, and it’s mainly something you just do for fun, and that’s exactly what it was—fun. I got to explore different realms of digital art I hadn’t before. I also discovered that I love the spray paint brush on MS Paint 3D. All in all though, it was a pretty relaxed challenge, and I came out with some pretty cool pieces in the end.

(If you want to read the in depth blog post about Inktober, it’s here.)

…did NaNoWriMo

NaNoWriMo…I don’t even know where to begin. Unlike Inktober, it was not a relaxing challenge. It was not always fun either. After 31 days of drawing each day, I dropped the digital paintbrush and picked up a pen (okay, my keyboard) and committed to writing an average of almost 2k words a day. It was tedious, and I felt like I wouldn’t be able to make it at times. But having an accountability partner who I could chat with and who was very encouraging throughout made everything a lot easier.

Also, here’s one thing I didn’t mention before: NaNoWriMo really taught me a lot about going through life in general. I’m someone who tends to look at the immediate present, extrapolate that years into the future, and get depressed about the results. But that’s not a good way to look at things. NaNoWriMo forced me to stop being so future oriented. As Adam (the guy I did NaNoWriMo with) told me, you just have to take it one day at a time. And that’s what I did. Instead of thinking “I have to write 50k in one month,” I just focused on the 2k I had to do that one day. Then, I repeated the cycle. One day at a time, and I’d reached 56k by the end of November. I’m still future oriented, but I’ve found a better way of viewing things. Also, just trusting the Lord throughout and knowing he can throw a plot twist at you that no one could have predicted.

So, while I’m glad I took up the challenge and learned a lot from both it and Adam, I don’t plan on doing it again next year.

(The blog post I wrote about NaNoWriMo is here, while the one about how I prepped for the challenge is here.)

…joined Instagram

The writer community I joined (but left) nudged me gently into the world of Instagram. I got to reconnect with a few people, as well as have a starting point for my platform. Right now, I like to share encouraging things I’ve learned from writing, updates about my WIP’s, and general things about my writing life. There’s a whole community of young Christian writers on there. They’re really supportive and encouraging, and it’s great to know that there are other writers out there writing for God’s glory.

…moved into a house

After traveling for years, my family and I moved into a house. There were a variety of reasons we did this, and I’m not going to get into them, but yeah…we live in a house now. It’s a rental. We don’t plan to stay here forever, and things could change, especially with me (the oldest) growing up.

There are pros and cons of having a house versus an RV, but I’m glad we did this. I’ve been able to get a job because of the fact that we’re currently stationary. We’ve also unpacked some things that we weren’t able to have in the RV. One of these things are a sewing machine, and I’m excited to start working on the skirt I bought material and elastic for.

…started blogging seriously

Yep, this very blog you’re on right now. I started it on September 6th, and since then, I’ve been consistently posting every week on Wednesdays. Topics range from writing, to my books, to life as a young adult (or is it old teenager?). Oh, wait, it’s adolescent—though I will be a young adult in less than two months. I like to lump all the categories together as “life as a young Christian writer and creative.” It’s been really fun, and I’m loving the responses I get from you guys 😊

I guess another part of this “blogging seriously” thing is my newsletter. I used to do automatic emails that went out whenever I created a new post. However, I recently switched to writing an actual newsletter. At the top, you get a short snippet of the week’s blog post, as well as a link to the actual post, then there’s usually some updates about my life and writing. After that, there’s usually a sneak peek of what I wrote that week, but it totally depends on what WIP I’m working on, as well as what stage I’m in. Oh, and I sometimes add one or two of my IG posts from the week to the newsletter. People can click on the images to get to the posts and read the caption, even if they don’t have an account. I just added this in like two weeks ago, so we’ll see how long it stays there.

(If you want to get my newsletter and be notified whenever I post, you can sign up at the bottom of this page.)

…got a blogging accountability partner

It wasn’t my idea. I wasn’t auditioning for more friends. However, Micah (who I knew of from my time on Ydubs) came along and started chatting with me on Instagram. I really loved his extroverted, joyful personality and the way he wants to just live for God, so Instagram chatting turned into emailing, and eventually, he offered to become blogging accountability partners. I accepted (even though I’m pretty good at holding myself accountable). We started a Trello board together. We’ve been blogging together for a total of…um, less than a week, but it’s been fun. If you click on Micah’s picture, you’ll be taken to his website, where he talks about writing, shares encouraging stuff, and talks about his favorite food—crackers 😉😂 I’m kidding, Micah. Well, you did write about crackers, but I really admire your love for the Lord. I’ve been reading some of your posts. They’re very encouraging.

Conclusion

So much has changed this year. I feel like I’ve grown a lot both spiritually and mentally, and I attribute it to the new experiences I’ve had this year. Getting to meet people on my own has definitely been a big factor. However, there’s also the fact that I did NaNoWriMo, and then just that the Lord dealt with me a lot on my perspective on growing up. I’m overwhelmingly grateful for what He has done in my life this year. As I go into 2023 (which I kind of don’t even want to say, because we humans decided to split up time into sections and give these sections values), there’s a lot of hope. Lots of hope with some fearful excitement mixed in. I know that the Lord is in control. Thus, I’m going to walk into 2023 courageously, knowing that He’s on my side and leading the way, the entire path already planned out. All I need to do is follow in faith.

December 21, 2022December 20, 2022

Same Interview, The First Year

After stumbling across famous people doing the same interview every year, I decided to steal some of their questions and do an interview of my own—in written form. Some questions are fun, some thought provoking, and others informational. I thought it would be a good way to self reflect, as we are coming to the end of another year. Ready to dive in?

How old are you?

What advice would you give yourself a year from now?

Keep going. You’ve got this, and even if you don’t, God’s got you.

What advice would you give yourself a year ago?

Trust the Lord. You may be confused and lost and hurt, but He’s working everything out for your good.

What's your biggest regret?

Not understanding as much as I do now when I was younger. I know that’s just the way life works, but things could’ve been a lot easier if I’d known more. (In all honesty, I don’t really have regrets. Mistakes are a part of life. Without them, there isn’t any growth.)

What is the biggest thing you've learned?

Trust in God. He has complete control over anything, and I really don’t need to be worrying all the time (not saying I don’t).

How would you define your style in three words?

Comfy, Black, Unusual

What is the most important thing in your life to you right now?

Serving the Lord.

Okay, I know that’s too basic of an answer, so here’s an alternative one: figuring out where my life is headed. I have many things I want to accomplish. I have many things I want to experience. I’m confused and all over the place, but I know God has already planned out my future. I’m just waiting for Him to make it clear what He wants me to pursue. On a more specific note, however, trying to finish my four WIP’s.

How do you define success, and do you think you've reached it?

People usually define success as fame, money, and power. However, that’s not how I see things. For me, success is having an impact on people’s lives—being able to change someone’s life for the better. I don’t think I’ve reached that point yet, and to be honest, I don’t think I ever can or will. At what point will I think it’s enough? God has called me to a lifetime of glorifying him. I think success is when I reach heaven and he tells me, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

What is one thing you're struggling with?

Relationships. Just…what are relationships supposed to be as a Christian? I know we are to serve, love, and uplift one another, but how does that play out in real life? Currently, all of my relationships (outside of my immediate family) are online. It’s a whole new level of challenging. You can’t do things together, be there physically for each other, have in person, real-time conversations, or any of that stuff you normally do to get to know someone. Plus, everyone is different. Learning to love each person individually is a learning curve and sometimes tricky. There’s also a whole layer of stuff I’m not getting to, but yeah…relationships.

Biggest thing to happen to you this year?

So much has happened this year. However, I’ve got to say getting a phone. The internet has allowed me to grow exponentially in my writing and understanding of the outside world, and I’ve gotten to meet people I never would have otherwise. Getting a phone made everything way easier. It’s been so helpful to me both personally and in relation to my writing journey, and the connections I’ve made I hope will last for many years to come.

Do you feel pressure?

Yes, immense pressure. Mostly coming from myself. I’m really pushing myself to be in a specific place (both life and writing wise) by a certain time. I’ve been working on just laying everything in the Lord’s hand and trusting him with the process. However, as a very self motivated and driven person, I often pressure myself to get things done, taking the fun out of things. Again, this is something I’ve been working on. The Lord has been teaching me a lot about this recently, and I’m grateful for the amount of pressure He has lifted off of me.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

What's your philosphy?

The Lord is writing the world’s story, and everything and everyone is here for a purpose. Glorify Him in everything, and strive to do what you believe He is calling you to do.

What is a place you want to visit?

I’m not big on traveling (says the person who traveled in an RV for years). I’m actually a homebody, and the max “visiting” I like to do is going for day trips to do something out in nature. Thus, my answer is…a hike nearby?

How are you doing?

😃😫😭😜😟😬 Did that sum it up well enough?
Honestly, I don’t know how I’m doing. Stressed and confused are big ones, but there’s also excitement and joy. Life is a journey, and I’m definitely going through it.

What achievement are you proudest of?

I got an editor for my historical fiction book. That’s one of my proudest achievements, but then there’s also the fact that I did NaNoWriMo.

What is one goal you want to reach by next year?

I want to have a steady source of income by this time next year. I’m about 30% sure it will happen, though. Maybe even that’s a stretch.

Favorite memory from this year?

My time with my friend Maya (whom we visit about once a year). I love her. She’s a great friend 😊

December 14, 2022December 13, 2022

Q&A: Life

Life as a traveling young writer is…interesting to say the least. My days vary a lot depending on where I am and what/who is in the area, and weather drastically changes depending on what climate I’m staying in. I am not in school anymore, so writing is what takes up a majority of my life. Let’s do a quick Q&A and see what my life looks like now as a traveling author.

Edit: I drafted this before we moved into a house. We’ll just go along with the questions, since this is how I lived for four years, and I’ll add edits for the questions that now have different answers.

What is a typical day in your life?

Like stated above, my days vary depending on what my mom has planned, what time of year it is, and where we’re staying. Right now, a typical day in my life looks like waking up late, posting on social media, eating lunch, doing chores, working on some side projects, and writing. I typically do not see friends or other people outside of my family. When we do, it is usually on the weekends, and only if we are in a specific place near people we know.

Edit: We just moved into a house a couple of weeks ago. Since then, my days have changed slightly. I sometimes play Kinect/X-box with my brothers, but other than that, almost everything else is the same. (Kinect is a video game, but instead of having remote controls, you use your body. A sensor tracks what you’re doing, and there’s often a lot of jumping, leaning backwards and forwards, and crouching involved. It’s a total body workout.)

How do writing and traveling fit together for you?

My days are scheduled around traveling, so whatever I can do, I do when we are stationary. On traveling days, there’s not much writing going on. Sometimes I skip entirely. Fortunately, traveling days are usually only once a week. I’m able to enjoy the benefits of traveling on weekends while writing on weekdays.

Edit: Obviously not traveling anymore, so life is somewhat more relaxed. We still do stuff on weekends though, but things have changed, because we’re still moving in.

What is it like living in an RV?

We have a big RV. Unlike most, it has two bedrooms, and only four of us share beds (my parents and two oldest brothers). If you count the loft as a bedroom, then we actually have three. The bathroom is another matter. We only have one, so we have to time things well, take quick showers, and make sure everyone knows when you’ll be in there for long. We came up with some routines and unspoken rules to cope with sharing a bathroom between six people. The main one is faster people go first (toilet, shower, and brushing teeth).

As for space, everything is small. Only one person can be in the kitchen at a time. We’ve learned to navigate around each other efficiently (six people in a one-person wide walkway doesn’t work), and it sometimes feels like I’m in one of those puzzle games where you have to get the block out of a tiny space filled with other blocks.

Also, because space is limited, we have to pack what we own into cabinets and drawers. You just learn to put the things you almost never use in the back. Otherwise, you’ll be taking everything out just to get one item. Then, you have to put it all back in (how you found it, or it might not all fit back in).

Other than that, the only thing I can think of is not being able to own things normal people can. We can’t have a big instruments, a sewing machine, or anything bulky that takes up valuable counter or floor space.

Edit: Again, we recently moved into a house. We now have three bedrooms and two bathrooms and lots of space. We also have a piano and sewing machine.

Thank you, Kathryn Hawke for the question! I’ll be writing another blog post about RV life somewhere in the next few months, so stay on the lookout for that.

What does an ideal day look like for you?

I’m not exactly sure what an ideal day is for me. I like having a schedule, but if something pops up, I’m pretty flexible. Ideally, I would wake up late, stay home doing stuff, then maybe (a few times a week) see friends around late afternoon. Then, later at night, I would write and listen to music or do something else relaxing by myself. I’m an introvert, so definitely lots of alone time. On the other hand, I find that I can be very chatty with people I know well. I enjoy spending time with them. Although my social battery can drain pretty quickly, it depends on who I’m with and what we’re doing.

What does an ideal weekend look like for you?

Hiking. I love hiking in the mountains. Right now, 4 to 7 miles is ideal, along with a big dinner and hot shower at home afterwards. However, I also enjoy just hanging out with a friend.

What are your favorite passtimes?

This might sound weird, but it’s not actually working on books. I have many hobbies and interests. Writing books is only one them, and I’m pretty sure the only reason it’s not at the top of this list is because I do it all the time. Thus, the novelty wears off quickly. I’m stuck between crocheting and reading—oh, and digital/website design, texting/emailing friends, and blogging. *facepalms* Honestly, this is a very difficult choice. At this exact moment, however, it’s blogging.

Favorite place you've been + one place you really want to go to?

Man, there have been so many places we’ve traveled to that are just gorgeous. The west coast with its luscious forests, Alaska and Canada with their amazing wildlife and glacial mountains, Colorado with its jagged peaks. (Can you tell I’m a fan of mountains yet?) If I had to chose one, I’d probably say Colorado, simply because it doesn’t get freezing cold like Alaska and Canada, and there isn’t any danger of hurricanes/flooding like the coast. Colorado has some of the best mountains. Evergreens are some of my favorite plants, and they make the hiking experience a hundred times more enjoyable.

As for a place I’d like to visit…hmm, that’s a tough one. I’m going to just go wild and say New Zealand. I don’t expect to ever be able to visit another continent, but the scenery there is gorgeous, and Jessica wanted to know.

What is your goal as an author?

I want to get the four books I’m working on published within the next five years. Other than that, I don’t have many other short term goals. As for my ultimate goal as an author, I want people to, one, enjoy reading what I write, and two, be impacted by my words. My goal as a Christian is to glorify the Lord. Thus, whatever He wants me to do or accomplish is my goal.

Conclusion

I hope you guys enjoyed this short interview! For those of you who asked questions on my Instagram but didn’t get them answered here, I did several interviews on other people’s blogs which cover those topics. Check them out below:

If none of these answered your question, there’s a good chance I have a blog post planed out on that topic. Until next time, happy reading!

November 30, 2022November 30, 2022

Never Have I Ever: Writer Edition

Today is going to be a fun post! After stumbling across Liesl Brunner’s tag challenge post, I decided to do it myself. This is never have I ever—writer edition.

The Rules

Link and thank the blogger who tagged you. Thanks, Liesl! Here’s her post.
Include the graphic somewhere in the post (or make your own!)
Answer the questions truthfully and honestly.
Tag 3 bloggers.

Never have I ever...

...started a novel I didn't finish

Totally. I used to do this a lot, but I’ve gotten better recently. I think I’ve learned to outline and plan ahead (strengthening my concept) before starting to draft. There are at least two handwritten drafts of books I’ve never finished in the trash.

...written a story completely by hand

Those of you who know me know the answer to this one. I didn’t have technology or computers to assist me in my writing until I was 13. I think I wrote six complete stories by hand, and some of these I actually published later on.

...changed tenses midway through a story

Whenever I try to write in first-person present tense, it always turns into past tense. I think this is because I don’t read books written in present tense (though I’d love to).

...not researched anything before starting a story

Yes, especially when I was younger. I just used my imagination and went off writing whatever came to mind. Never mind the fact that nothing sounded realistic.

...changed my protagonist’s name halfway through a draft

I haven’t done this for any main characters, but I’ve done it for side ones. In fact, for The Jewish Baby, I changed a side character’s name after completing the final self edit, because someone had pointed out that two of my characters’ names were very similar.

...written a story in a month or less

Do short stories that are one page long count? Because I’ve done these in a couple of hours for school assignments.

...fallen asleep while writing

Five percent of the time. Whenever I hit a slow part and start trying to think up ideas, I fall asleep. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I write in my bed in the dark. Lucid dreams are cool, guys. I have to admit that mine don’t usually make any sense, and nothing from them ever ends up in the book. Still….

...corrected someone’s grammar irl/online

My brothers. It’s automatic. If you say “much” instead of “many,” it’s almost guaranteed I will correct you. Online, however, I don’t. I know people have pet peeves about this.

...yelled in all-caps at myself in the middle of my novel

What? Who wrote this question? Now I need to go back and figure out who’s crazy enough to do this 😉

...used “I’m writing” as an excuse

No. My family doesn’t take excuses. Writing is a hobby, and chores are priority. However, if I’m given a choice between writing and something else, sometimes I’ll pick writing.

...killed a character that was based on someone I know in real life

Yes. I’m currently working on a book where lots of people die. Since most of my characters are loosely based off of people I know, this has definitely happened a few times

...used pop culture references in a story

I don’t write contemporary (yet, at least), so it’s nearly impossible to incorporate pop culture into my stories. I also prefer not to if possible, just because it could outdate the novel, and I don’t have much pop culture knowledge anyway.

...written between the hours of 1:00 am and 6:00 am

Yes. If I wake up in the middle of the night and have a flash of inspiration, I will write until I’m satisfied I haven’t forgotten anything. Besides, I’m a night owl and have tons of creative energy around night time and when I wake up.

For NaNoWriMo, I stayed up through the AM’s almost every day. I usually went to bed around 12, but on weekends and days we went places, I stayed up anywhere from 1 am to 2 am.

...drank an entire pot of coffee while writing

I don’t like coffee. The end.

...written down dreams to use in a potential novel

Not written them down, but I have used dreams as inspiration for scenes or concepts in my books. One crazy dream actually became the whole premise of my Fire Trials trilogy. Check it out in more depth here.

...published an unedited story on the internet/blog/wattpad

Embarrassing story: I published seven semi-edited books on KDP, effectively ruining my reputation as an author. Sales dropped from 50 to 0 a week pretty quickly. They’re still up there. However, I discourage people from reading them unless they’re prepared to read a book that sounds like it was written by a young teenager (because it was).

...procrastinated schoolwork because I wanted to write

I was homeschooled, and so this was both easy and not looked down on to do. Whenever the flash of inspiration or that perfect scene pops into my head, I have to write it

...typed so long my wrists hurt

I’ve done this writing, crocheting, knitting, and pretty much anything else that involves my hands. I tend not to stop until I’m satisfied with my progress.

...spilled a drink on my laptop while writing

Nooo. My mom would never. In fact, drinks aren’t even allowed on the table when computers are out. Did I mention that I write in my bed? Yeah, and drinks are never allowed in my bed.

...forgotten to save my work/draft

I write on my Kindle (most of the time) with an app that crashes (all the time). I have lost pages of progress due to this. Let me tell you, the feeling of your heart dropping into your stomach is real. I’ve learned to hit “save” every sentence or so.

Edit: I now write on my computer and phone, using apps that are of much better quality. They also have autosave. Autosave is a real lifesaver.

...finished a novel

Yes! And I’m happy about it.

...laughed like an evil villain while writing a scene

In my head. I love putting my characters through things I’d never wish upon a real person. In fact, this is where a lot of my joy in writing comes from. Isn’t it fun to be the lord of an entire world and its subjects?

...cried while writing a scene

I don’t explicitly remember, but I think I have. Once. And only a tear or two.

...created maps of my fictional world

Whenever I know I will mess up my traveling descriptions, I make a map. I don’t want to publish a book just to have a reader tell me the technicalities of what I wrote. (“Earlier, you said that was there. How can these two things be in the same place?” “Wasn’t she supposed to go that way?”)

...researched something shady for a novel

Definitely. Ways to kill people, ways to die from explosions, toxic plants, deadly illnesses—I could go on and on. If I became a suspect for murder, my search history would incriminate me.

Conclusion

I hope you guys enjoyed this (longish) post. What do you think of these questions and answers? Leave your comments down below. As always, happy reading, everyone!

November 23, 2022November 23, 2022

Homeschool Likes and Regrets

Homeschool was an interesting experience. Over the years, I’ve seen many forms of education—public schools, private schools, homeschool, homeschooling plus co-op, and there’s probably more. I am a recent high school graduate, and I have never done school with anyone other than my three younger brothers, much less stepped foot in a public school. There’s so much out there, and each form of education has it’s own pros and cons. In this blog post, I’ll be sharing things I liked about being homeschooled, as well as my regrets.

Pro #1: Flexibility

I was homeschooled in the most isolated manner possible. (Is that correct wording?) There were no field trips, no schedule that required me going anywhere, and no co-ops to go to. If I had a presentation, I delivered it to the five other people in my family.

Given all this, you can probably imagine how flexible my schedule was. I loved it. I could complete things on my own timing, stay home all the time, and not have to interact with a single soul outside of my house if I didn’t want. If I wanted to do something fun, or we were visiting friends (which happened occasionally), I could just do my homework at another time. My mom set deadlines and expected me to finish by a certain time of course, but being homeschooled allowed me ultimate flexibility.

Pro #2: Promotion of Life Skills

Independent/critical thinking skills, time management, prioritization skills, and autonomy—homeschooling taught me all of these things. Our curriculum was big on making us think and make decisions for ourselves. I’ll give you one example.

For English, I didn’t just write book reports and essays on things I’d read about in History. Instead, I was given a lot of creative writing assignments that forced me to think for myself on subjective topics in order to form an opinion. Instead of just writing facts and compiling evidence, I was being taught critical thinking skills. I learned how to think, not what to think.

Other than that, just the setup of homeschool made me learn other life skills. Our curriculum was mostly student-led. Over the years, it slowly became more and more independent, until I was doing almost everything on my own. This forced me to develop time management and prioritization skills, and it also helped me become the autonomous person I am today. (I work the best on my own, and I am good at managing myself.)

Pro #3: Influence

My parents were able to control how I was being influenced in school. There are two major components in this: worldview and the people I was around.

My homeschool curriculum was a faith-based one. It taught me from a Christian point of view, and besides Bible verses and stuff like that, I was given solid, scientific evidence proving my faith and setting it apart from other religions and worldviews. One of the things that sticks out the most to me is how much scientific and logical evidence I was given. I learned how science points to creation (not evolution), and it helped strengthen my faith (not that I needed it; it was just helpful to me).

The other area of influence that my parents were able to control is who I was around all day. For most public schoolers, they’re around other children their age, all day, five days a week. You’ve probably heard the saying that you are who you’re around. Since children are so easily influenced, being surrounded by other people your age isn’t the most helpful in allowing you to mature. I had almost zero interaction with other children my age, and when it did happen, it was under the supervision of my parents. For this, I am grateful. I was able to grow a lot more and learn from the adults I was around. I could have cultivated a selfish, arrogant, rebellious attitude, but being around more mature people helped me to see the bigger picture and learn to view others in a respectful, open-minded manner.

On the flip side, not being around other people does have its disadvantages. We’ll get into that later.

Pro #4: Everything Was Easy

Okay, physics, chemistry, and pre-calc weren’t easy whatsoever. I just mean that compared to most people in school, I had it easy. I had little homework that usually lasted two or three hours a day, and my mom didn’t give me many tests or expect me to get the best grades possible. Actually, I didn’t have grades. My mom just corrected my stuff and had me do things again if they were wrong (in math).

As for graduation, I graduated in Texas. Texas is one of the most free states concerning education. You aren’t required to file reports, take state tests, or anything like that. Instead (for homeschoolers), you’re just expected to learn reading, spelling, grammar, mathematics, and good citizenship. Science isn’t even required. (We did it though 😢) To graduate—well, it’s up to the parents to decide when the child meets graduation requirements. I didn’t have to do any tests to graduate. I just made a diploma on Canva and called it a day (I promise this is the only paragraph you’ll see emojis in.)

Regret #1: Social Skills

My social skills aren’t the best. Sure, I’m fine if the other person is an extravert, but you don’t want to see me in a one-on-one with another quiet person. My social skills used to be even worse (no eye contact, fidgeting, anxiety, awkward pauses, etc.), and the only reason they’re passable now is because I’ve forced myself to interact with uncomfortable situations and get out of my shell. I still struggle with anxiety, fidgeting, and awkward pauses, but I think I’m getting better.

Another aspect of the social skills thing is the fact that I don’t know how to deal with people very well. On the internet, it’s a breeze. I’m perfectly fine with confrontation, and I’m able to understand context well, because I can read and re-read what people are saying, as well as thoroughly think out what I’ll say before I say it. In person is another story.

Technically, I know what I should be doing and saying, but I seem to either go from extremely blunt to non confrontational. I struggle to find a balance, and getting what I really mean out is a challenge. It’s a lot easier on paper (or behind the safety of my computer screen). I think the issue is my self-consciousness, but once I get past this, none of this will be a problem (or at least I hope so).

Regret #2: No Friends

I’ve never really had friends. There were kids I hung out with on the occasional weekend because my parents liked their parents, but other than that, there was no one I actually chose or got really close to. *sees Maya looking at me with a furrowed brow* Okay, there are maybe two people, but still, I didn’t choose them (but I love them).

This sort of goes back to the social skills thing. Since I’ve never really hung out with people my age, I find it difficult to make friends. I’ve pretty much only been around adults. On one hand, it allowed me to mature quickly, but on the other hand, I don’t have much in common with people my age, and I find their interests boring. In addition to this, I’ve never gotten to go through relationship issues. (Everyone looking at me like “why is she complaining about not having issues?”) Okay, look you guys. I’m just afraid that when it really matters, I won’t know how to deal with situations properly.

Regret #3: Extracurricular Activities

As a homeschooled, non government funded person, there were no extracurricular activities to participate in. On one hand, yes, I love staying inside all day every day and not having to interact with anyone. On the other hand, I like acting and dance, and maybe I would’ve done it if I’d had the chance. Maybe. (It’s a big maybe.)

Summary

Um…yeah. So as you can see, the pros far outweigh the cons. If you take a closer look, you’ll see that there are actually five pros (with one disguised as a con) and only one con. The last regret doesn’t even count.

So in summary: I’m super happy I was homeschooled! The way it was structured fits my personality well, and I wouldn’t change anything if I could. I consider myself a blessed person—no matter how much I complained about physics and pre-calc.

November 16, 2022November 15, 2022

I Joined a Community for Young Writers

I joined a community for young writers…and left. Let’s jump straight into the blog post.

The Young Writer's Workshop

A few months ago, my mom came across an email from The Young Writer’s Workshop, a Christian based course where young writers can learn from published individuals and interact with other writers. The email announced a 2-day event called a summit (literally just a conference), where well-known authors would speak on different writing and Christ related topics. The conference was both online and free, so I attended.

During the summit, there was a special offer: join YWW for only $1 for the first month. The membership normally costs $30+ a month, so the offer was a good deal. I took it.

For that one month, I used YWW to its full advantage. There are all kinds of resources in the content library, and anything you want to know related to books, writing, publishing, and marketing is there. Since I’d previously had a membership to another author website, I knew a lot about writing. However, publishing and marketing in this day and age is a whole new level of information. I gleaned as much as I could from the content library on YWW, and I am very thankful I could get as much as I did out of that website.

YWW Community

Another part of my YWW membership was the community. The community is on a separate platform managed by the YWW people, and it’s basically social media for young writers. I enjoyed my time there. I got to meet so many wonderful people, and I learned so much from other young writers like myself. I even got some help brainstorming ideas as I wrote the second book in my Fire Trials trilogy.

...And Then I Left

After the $1 trial was up, I cancelled my membership. My mom offered to pay for an entire year on the site, but after lots of praying and thinking, I finally decided to leave.

Look, I loved YWW. It has a lot of helpful information and advice, and you can interact with instructors (published authors) there. You can talk to other young writers, get feedback on your work, and help others in their writing journeys.

However, YWW is tailored to young, homeschooled Christians. There are a lot of security measures in place, and they have content warnings for everything. A lot of things like magic and drinking you can’t write about unless you add a content warning to it. Some topics you can’t even post about. Non Christians wouldn’t even think of using restrictions like these.

Honestly, these measures are there to give parents a peace of mind when letting their kids on a social media-like website. I completely understand where YWW is coming from. I’m happy that young Christian kids are able to be socialize in a healthy environment, and it’s good that parents are able to keep their children safe on the internet.

My Reasons

Buuut…(You knew the big but was coming, didn’t you?)…I am 17. I think deeply, and I like to incorporate deep elements into my writing. Some of these elements aren’t light topics, and I understand that a lot of Christians don’t want their young children reading books with darker, more heavy themes.

To put it shortly, my audience is not the people on YDubs. I’m writing for a more general audience—in particular, non Christian teens. (“Those who are not sick have no need of a physician.” See if you can catch my meaning.) YWW is there to help you in your writing process. As I am currently working on a trilogy that deals with a lot of violence, I don’t really fit in. What I can get out of the community is limited. What I can get out of the content library I’ve already watched or read.

If the membership were free or less than $10 a month, I would have stayed. I enjoyed meeting people. I enjoyed helping them with their writing. Staying would have been mostly for the support (they even have a prayer group) and being able to uplift others in their journeys. However, I was not willing to spend—or let my parents spend—money on something I would only use occasionally. My audience is out there. I just have to find them in other places.

As for the support, some YDubbers have stuck with me through email, and I’ve found some people through Instagram. It’s so nice being able to interact with other writers and Christians. Being on YDubs has encouraged me to pursue writing seriously (in hopes of publishing a good book), and I feel a lot more confident in the direction I need to head.

Conclusion

I’m so thankful for the time I spent on YDubs. I got an awesome view into the world of publishing, learned from other writers, and learned more about book marketing through social media. All of this allowed me to figure out the direction I wanted to go in writing. It also allowed me to know how to pursue writing as a career. I just think YDubs wasn’t specifically for me, and if there’s another writing community out there that fits my audience, I’ll definitely try it out.

November 8, 2022November 8, 2022

Why I Became a Christian + Struggling With Unbelief

I’m a proud follower of Jesus, and it isn’t because I have Christian parents. There’s a lot more to it than just “accepting Jesus into my heart.” In this post, I’ll be talking about why I became I Christian, as well as my struggles as a new believer.

Early Life

I grew up in a Christian household. My parents were saved when I was eight or nine, and they taught me about God. I’m not sure why, but I desired to follow the Lord, even though I didn’t really love Him. Maybe it was just something that rubbed off on me from my parents, since they are so zealous and eager to please Him.

Reality and Darkness

However, darker things were happening beneath my cheerful, carefree appearance. Spiritual reality was sinking in, and it became a dark threat that haunted me whenever I had time to think. I tried to distract my mind, knowing that without God, I was doomed.

My parents had taught me not to take life for granted. I knew the Lord was ultimately in control of my life, and he could do whatever he wanted. Just to be safe, I asked Him to save me—every night—but there was no repentance or belief behind my words.

Night Terrors

I was a very imaginative kid. For me, heaven and hell were very real. God was real. I could see evidence all around me. I knew things were a lot more complex than they appeared to be, and there was no doubt in my mind that I was headed for a bad end. This ultimately played out as night terrors. I woke up at night, feeling like I would die if I didn’t get out of my bedroom and find someone to keep me safe. From what, I wasn’t sure. I would run to my dad, and he would hug me until I was ready to go back to bed. Once, I asked him how I could be saved. He told me I just needed to trust Jesus. I wasn’t ready to do that.

As I got older, the night terrors lessened. When they did come, I waited them out alone in my bed. Deep down, I knew what was causing this constant, lingering fear, but I wasn’t ready to relinquish control. I was literally unable to.

For four or five years, this spiritual battle continued. It was mentally exhausting. I escaped by reading books and playing with my brothers and friends. I was “good.” I obeyed my parents, followed rules, and treated others nicely, so why did I need a savior? But while I had pretty much given up, God hadn’t.

Change Begins

We were at a prayer meeting when I suddenly realized how sinful I actually was. That crack of emptiness I struggled so hard to ignore turned into a full-blown pit. I realized how lost I was, how I had no ability to control my situation. I couldn’t save myself, and that left me hopeless. That night, I prayed for Jesus to forgive me. Still, there was no belief behind my words. I went to bed empty and depressed.

The next morning, my mom was talking to my brothers about salvation. I pretended to read a book nearby, but I was actually listening. Two of my brothers made professions of faith later that day. When my mom asked if anything had happened to me as well, I said no. I didn’t want to hop on the bandwagon; I wanted it to be genuine. If I was going to do this, I needed to be all in.

Salvation

I don’t remember exactly what happened afterwards, but I do remember my dad trying to encourage me by singing me this part of a song:

“When Satan tempts me to despair and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see him there, who made an end to all my sin. Because my sinless savior died, my sinful soul is counted free, for God the just is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me.”

God used those words to show me I could do nothing to save myself. Jesus was my only hope, and he was offering himself as a gift. I think that’s when I first truly believed. For the first time in my life, I was free. Someone else was in control—someone who truly cared about me and wanted what was best for my soul.

Satan’s Fight for My Life

But the battle didn’t end there. No, in fact, that’s when things really ramped up. Satan tried with all his might to win me back. He planted thoughts in my head, telling me I was imagining it. Nothing had actually happened. Jesus could never forgive me. Those “other people over there” could be Christians, but there was no way I could be like them. I suffered many long nights dealing with these thoughts. There was lots of crying and anxiety, but with God’s help, I eventually prevailed against the lies.

Now

It has been five or six years, and I have grown a lot during that time. One of the biggest things I have learned is to not rely on my feelings. I don’t need to feel God’s closeness to know he’s there. I don’t need to “feel” saved. I know the truth, I know whom I follow, and I won’t ever give Him up. There are still seasons where I struggle with unbelief, but I know these trials will only make me stronger.

October 12, 2022October 12, 2022

I Took My Road Test

I’ve had my driving permit for about a year and a half now. I got it in Texas with Aiden (who was 15 at the time), and since then, I’ve been practicing driving on and off. Driving has been a journey. There have been ups and downs, and while Aiden grew more and more comfortable driving to bike trails and parks, I mostly avoided it.

Learning in a big truck

Getting used to our truck and being able to position it where I wanted it to go took a while. I would say this was the most difficult part of the process, and I actually still struggle with it to this day. Parking and making my way through a tight area are my least favorite parts of driving.

Once I got a handle on the basics of steering, I moved onto the road. Everything suddenly got ten times scarier, and I had to learn not to panic or worry so much about other drivers. (Of course, I still need to be aware of my surroundings; I just have a tendency to switch into panic mode if other vehicles are around me.)

My first accident

In Ohio, I needed to make a U-turn on a two-lane street. I pulled forward into a driveway, got nervous, and backed out quickly without watching what I was doing. I ended up crashing into a guardrail, effectively damaging (slightly) the bumper of our truck. I waited months before getting behind the wheel again. Thus began my on and off driving journey.

Driving in San Antonio

After a while, I finally allowed myself to drive again. Note that I am not saying this was a good itdea. On the contrary, I should have learned from my mistake and kept going. My dad said it was like training a new driver all over again.

Anyway, it wasn’t long before I made another mistake. While in the busy city of San Antonio, I needed to make a right turn and merge all the way over multiple lanes. Over a short distance. Right before a traffic light. I turned and proceeded to merge without checking each lane. A minivan came from behind and narrowly missed me. Again, I took a break from driving.

More merging trouble

When I began driving again, it was mostly when we were going to NPS sites and traveling in non crowded places. However, one time while making a left turn onto the highway, I didn’t check the lane I was turning into. A truck was driving in the lane, and as it was a highway, the speed limit was fast. My dad had to tell me to stay in the center turning lane.

After that incident (in which I could’ve killed us all and caused a huge accident), I decided I wanted to quit and never drive. I didn’t drive at all after that. Meanwhile, Aiden continued driving people around during the week.

Coming back to Texas

Every year, we go back to Texas for a few reasons.

– get school supplies from storage

– see our friends

– get anything done with our vehicle/RV that needs to be done

We are now in Texas, and as we don’t normally stay long, my parents decided Aiden and I should get our driver’s licenses. Let me explain some more.

We only come back to Texas once a year. We come in the fall and leave before the next year (normally). Since my birthday is in February and I will be turning 18 then, we would be out of state and unable to take our road tests. We didn’t want to have to deal with me getting my license as an adult. (I did kids’ driver’s ed.) Thus, this was my only chance to take the test. Also, Aiden applied to a job that could’ve required a license, so that was incentive for him to get his. I didn’t want to, but my parents had me take the test because of all the time and money they’d already put into teaching me. Aiden was ready. I wasn’t at all.

Preparation

My mom found a small city in north Texas. She found an RV park nearby we could stay at, and for two days prior to the test, I practiced parking and driving around. After not having driven in months, I had to get used to the feel of the truck. Parking in all kinds of ways at a semi-empty parking lot really helped. I think what made it even easier was that there weren’t people around, so I only had to worry about the stationary vehicles, and I didn’t get as nervous as I normally do. (also my dad is a great driver and knows exactly when I’m about to hit something. This helped a lot when learning to park in tight spots.)

Did I mention parallel parking? Well, the DMV we took our test at had a parallel parking spot. According to the workers inside the building, the spot is about 5 feet longer than our truck. That leaves little room for mistakes. One of the days the DMV was closed, we went down there in our truck, and both Aiden and I practiced parallel parking in the tiny spot. Even our dad said he wouldn’t try parking in a spot that small (and he drives our RV everywhere).

Thankfully, parallel parking is more of a technique than a skill. For me, I didn’t have to figure out what felt right; I just had to follow the rules, and the truck would end up where it should’ve been.

My road test

After two days of driving every day, Aiden and I scheduled our road tests. I set mine before Aiden’s so I wouldn’t get extra anxious during the waiting time. Basically, I woke up, got dressed, drove to the DMV, and took my test.

The first thing my driving examiner did was have me parallel park. I’m actually glad about this, because I didn’t have to worry about it afterwards. Next, I did a quick stop and then drove straight backwards. After that, I drove onto the highway, around a neighborhood, and back to the DMV.

The test didn’t take very long. I got sixteen points taken off (out of the allowed 30), and most of those were in parallel parking. The others were for almost missing the highway exit and not turning my head enough (so the examiner could see I was looking) when passing through a green light. I got observation wrong in the “use of lanes” column. The examiner told me what I did wrong, but I’ve forgotten exactly what it was.

Pass or fail?

And now, the answer you all have been waiting for: did I pass or fail?

I passed! I literally sat in the car for a few seconds after the examiner left and did a tiny happy dance. That is soo unlike me, but I think it fit the occasion.

Honestly, I didn’t expect to pass. All I wanted to do was get back to the DMV safely and be done with the test. However, I prayed for God to be with me and calm my nerves so I’d be able to drive safely, and I think he did exactly that.

Driving alone

Now that I’m a licensed driver, what will I do? Hmm, let me think. First off, not drive.

“Not drive? Then why did you get your license?”

Legally, I’m allowed to drive, but I don’t consider myself the best driver. I kind of don’t trust myself behind the wheel. Furthermore, I am not on our truck’s insurance, it costs tons to add a child, and I don’t have anywhere I need to drive to.

Still, I’m glad I got my license. If there’s an emergency, I can drive, and if I need to have some form of ID, my license will work. And I never have to worry about taking a driving test again. (The only thing I will have to do is renew my license in four months when I turn 18.)

Conclusion

I’m happy I have my license. Up until the test, I was very nervous—so much so that my hands and knees were literally shaking—and I’m happy it’s over. I don’t plan on using my license now, but if I for some reason I need to drive in the future, I don’t have to worry about anything besides staying safe.

That’s it for today guys! I hope you enjoyed this (unusually long) post. If you liked it, comment down below, and if you didn’t, feel free to suggest posts you want to see in the future. Until next time, happy reading!